All I Have is Christ

Last night, I was blessed with the opportunity to go to the Pulaski County Juvenile Detention Center with a group of people from our church that goes twice a month to minister to the kids there. Blake asks me to go every time I'm in town and I've always had a reason why I couldn't but last night I didn't, so after he begged me a few times I finally said yes! And I am so thankful that he didn't let me say no....

We got there and the numbers were lower than usual. There were only two girls in the D-Center and we had brought six girls. So we were blessed to be able to have three of our girls to their one! The girl that I talked with was confused because she has been in there for 3 months now so she has heard the gospel message from our group multiple times and on top of that she said that her uncle is a pastor and her mom is a Christian, but she grew up with her cousins who are Muslims. She said it's all just so confusing. She is hearing different things from different people and comparing the two religions and I think she was thinking about it all and kinda trying to sort through what she believes, but I didn't get the feeling that she had a sense of urgency about it. We got to talk with her a good bit and Rachel D. did a great job asking her questions, but I don't know how much of it she was really getting and thinking about and how much of it she was just saying "the right answers" because she knew them. Please keep her in your prayers and ask that the Lord would use these last 8 days she is there to work in her and stir the desire and need for God in her heart while she has this time to think and to really wrestle with it!

My heart was truly touched last night. As Jason shared a powerful message I was overwhelmed with the magnitude of God's love for me, that he would send His son to die the most shameful and painful death of all for ME. As we walked through the hallways leading out of the building we passed the rooms that the kids were locked up in. Many of them were just standing at the doors watching us out their small square windows in the door as we passed by. At one point, I looked over and saw the face of a boy probably not much older than 13. We only shared eye contact for a few seconds, but for some reason those few seconds penetrated right to my heart and I haven't been able to get his face out of my mind. It brought tears to my eyes and my heart longed for Him to know the saving power and precious love of Jesus Christ. Why was I the one freely walking out of the building while he stayed behind, locked away for his crimes? I am no different than him! I deserve to be locked away in that building!

God used those few seconds...that tiny little moment that seemed like any other ordinary few seconds to stir in my heart. I was once locked up and chained to my sin the same way that boy is. He has no hope. He will be there until the judge sees fit to let him go. On his own he can do nothing to escape from that place. In the same way, I was once lost and broken with no hope of saving myself. I could do nothing to break away the chains or to break out of that place of sin and hopelessness. But Jesus, my precious Savior and Redeemer, saw me and took the chains upon Himself. He put himself in my room where I deserved to be locked away and allowed me to walk away freely. He hung upon the cross, was whipped, spat upon, mocked, and murdered....for my sinful, ugly heart. What a sobering realization it us when Jesus brings us to our face in humble recognition of His great love and mercy that was displayed on the cross.....

"I once was lost in darkest night

Yet thought I knew the way

The sin that promised joy and life

Had led me to the grave

I had no hope that You would own

A rebel to Your will

And if You had not loved me first

I would refuse You still

And as I ran my hell-bound race

Indifferent to the cost

You looked upon my helpless state

And led me to the cross

And I beheld God's love displayed

You suffered in my place

You bore the wrath reserved for me

Now all I know is grace

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ.

Hallelujah! Jesus is my life.

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone

And live so all might see

The strength to follow Your commands

Could never come from me

Oh Father, use my ransomed life

In any way you choose

And let my song forever be

My only boast is You!"

All I Have Is Christ

Sovereign Grace Ministries

It's our last official "camp night" here for the summer. I'm working in the office with Laurin, Claire, and Alexis and Kendyll and Ambrose are just chillin' with us. As I sit here listening to the sound of my music playing and fingers quickly typing away plans for family camp I can't believe how fast this summer has gone by. There have been days when it seemed like it was just creeping along, but honestly, it's been a pretty fast summer for me. God has brought so many precious people into my life--children who have captured my heart and taught me more than I taught them, counselors who have been my best friends and encouraged me, and staff members who have stirred me toward a deeper relationship with Jesus and loved me like their own daughter. It's a bittersweet feeling knowing that in 2 days I'll be back at home, but away from this spirit-filled place and precious people! I'm honestly confused as to how I'm supposed to feel. My heart is eager to get back to school and share what I have learned with others and love them with the love of Jesus, but these people have become like family this summer. How am I supposed to leave here and go back to life without this constant Christian community and people who are focused on Jesus and striving to know Him more? This has been a regular struggle for my heart to undestand and be content with where Jesus has me, but my prayer as we finish our final day tomorrow is that God will give me grace as I transition from this place to the next. I am excited, sad, thankful, and eager all at the same time! More thoughts to come later....

Where I Belong

"Your presence is all I'm longing for, here in secret place. Your nearness is all I am waiting for, here in the quiet place, here in the secret place. My soul waits for You alone, just like the watchmen wait for dawn. And here I've finally found the place where we'll meet, Lord, face to face.

I've finally found where I belong. I've finally found where I belong, in your presence. I've finally found where I belong, Lord, to be with You, to be with You.

I am my Beloved's and He is mine! So come into your garden and take delight in me. Oh, I am my Beloved's and He is mine so come into your garden and take delight in me, Lord.

Delight in me.

Delight in me.

Delight in me.

Delight in me.

Here in Your presence, God, I find my rest.

Here in Your presence God...

I've finally found where I belong!"

I have FINALLY found where I belong and I know now that this is the only place that God created me to be. Not where I am physically, but my heart is at peace knowing that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Lord and that God is MY God. He is MY Father. He is MY friend. He is MY Rock. I can find my rest in His presence. It is such a sweet thing to be in the presence of Jesus and to be in communion with Him. I have found that place of not just knowing about God, but actually knowing God this summer! It is just such a blessing! I can't even find the words to express the joy that I have found in my Savior this summer! I long to share that with others and for others to know that this joy can be found ONLY in Him!

A Place of Quiet Rest

This morning started out beautifully with a cup of delicious Kona coffee at our kitchen table as I met with Jesus in the peace and quiet of the morning. Because I don't ever get to sleep in during the week at camp I had every intention of sleeping the morning away! I did at least set my alarm for 10:30 so that I wouldn't sleep all day and would be up in time to get ready and do some things before lunch...but the Lord had other plans in mind for my morning! :)

Rebekah left for a car wash a little before 9:00 and woke me up to tell me she was leaving. I couldn't go back to sleep after that so I laid in bed for a little bit and just enjoyed being still and not having to get up for any reason in particular. As I laid there just thinking about the week and random things that have been stirring in my heart I felt the Lord saying to me, "Why are you wasting this time? You could be spending these moments diving into my Word and talking with me!" So I hopped out of bed, grabbed my Bible, and headed to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and meet with Jesus.

Last night, Laura and I talked about a book she was reading and one that I had read before so I went to my room to try to find it so I could start reading it too. When I did I found some old journals and started reading through them and got distracted for a little bit. :) Then I stumbled across the devotional book "A Place of Quiet Rest" by Nancy Leigh Demoss. My mom gave this book to both of my sisters and me a few years ago in our stockings at Christmas. I started it, but like most books I start, I never finished it. So I picked it up and brought it back to the kitchen with me and decided I was going to start back at the beginning and actually finish a book for once in my life! I don't know why I am always so surprised, by how God works, but he had Laura and I talk about that book last night, not only because I needed to read that book, but because He knew I needed to stumble across this one as well! I went ahead and started it this morning and it is already rocking my world!!!

The very first chapter talks about how as women we often struggle with business and stress and "not having time" for Jesus during our day. It went into a lot of detail about how we cannot give and give and give of ourselves and not be filled back up with Jesus. We don't have anything to give on our own. All that we give to others comes from the Lord and His love and strength. This past week I went the first four days without a real and focused time with the Lord. By Thursday night I was so eager to go to bed and wake up the next morning to start my day out right! I had been trying to give and give and give of myself, but failing miserably. I was discouraged and worn out and just barely making it all week. And Friday came...the last day of the week, the day I should have been the most exhausted....and I had this abundant energy and joy--because I had started my day out being filled up with the Lord!

"Jesus knew that any power or ability He had to minister to others was due to the fact that He was "one with the Father." He knew it was essential for Him to stay connected to His Father for that was His Source of life, joy, power, peace , and fruifulness. He knew He had to walk in union and commmunion with His Father if He was to know and do His Father's will. He had no other purpose for being on this earth than to do the will of His Father. so He had no higer priority than to abide in intimate, unbroken fellowship with His Father, so that He might fulfill His Father's will."

--Nancy Leigh Demoss

This morning I have a peace and a joy that I know can only come from the Lord. I am excited about this weekend and time with family and friends from home. I'm excited to see how the Lord will allow me to encourage and minister to others. I have peace in knowing that my life is in the hands of my all-knowing, all-sufficient God and that if I am chasing after Him and only Him, He will guide my steps and make my path straight. It is so good to be in the will of the Lord and to know that my life belongs to Him.

Purity

This summer has been a time of great growth and learning in my life. But it has also been a struggle. A good struggle, but still a struggle. My heart longs to seek after the face of God and the things of God, but my flesh is still so weak. It's been a battle all summer, not necessarily to make good choices, but a battle in my mind to set boundaries right now for the rest of my life. This week has been a week of laziness for me spiritually.

I haven't been getting up early enough for face time with God in the morning and I haven't been pursuing Him with ALL my heart, soul, mind, and strength. And it shows. It's been a hard week. I've barely been making it though and I have lacked joy and just that overflowing love that comes from Christ in me. Because we have a day camp this week we are "off" for the day at 3:00 each afternoon, but after a rest time and dinner we have had some kind of worship service or ministry time each evening. Last night we had guy/girl night and all of us girls got to spend an evening in one of the villas with Alphie Thomas. We dove into the Word to see what it has to say about purity and I was encouraged, challenged, and so refreshed by our sweet time together! When I think of Alphie one of the first words that comes to my mind is purity. She is a woman of God and someone I look up to and want to model my life after in so many ways.

She gave us a few print outs with practical ways to practice purity and some verses to stir our hearts toward purity and encourage us. A big thing that I really got last night that I also feel like God was already stirring in my heart is a purity of my heart. It's not just about how far you go physically and being modest, but it all begins with my heart. If I have pure motives the rest will follow much more naturally. My heart has to desire purity and long for the things of God. She talked to us about keeping ourselves free from emotional entanglements and guarding our hearts. A big part of that is not indulging in mental fantasies. I know my own heart and I know that after a day of sappy romance movies I go into "I need to find the love of my life!" mode. It's not that I purposely think, "I am going to watch this movie and take my heart to that place.", but it just goes there. Not to say that I'm done watching love movies, but I know that my heart has to be guarded when I do and I need to limit myself.

"Finally, sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever us PURE, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

**Philippians 4:8**

Another thing we talked about that has really been stirring in my heart is not to be bold and flirtatious. As a 20 year old who has never been on a date, I panic sometimes and think, "Who lives 20 years and never goes on a single date?! How am I ever going to get married if I don't date around and find 'that guy'?!". So naturally, I feel the need to flirt with any guy that I "might have a connection with" or "could like". But that is playing with his heart and putting mine in a place of vulnerability all because I'm worried I'll never find the right guy? God doesn't need me to flirt and be bold and forward to find my husband. God already knows who he is and is preparing his heart for me and my heart for him. My job right now is to be faithfully serving and seeking after Him. The kind of woman I am is the kind of guy I will attract. I don't want someone who is going to settle for the girl who is easiest to get attention from or the guy who settles for the first girl who throws herself at him. I want someone who is seeking after God and praying for guidance and wisdom. I want someone who will serve alongside me and who has to be seeking God in order to find me because both of our hearts are so lost in God.

"Therefore, I urge you, sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

**Romans 12:1-2**

When I first heard that we were talking about purity I kinda pulled back a little bit. It's always a subject that I have hated a little bit because I feel like so often it just puts so many rules on my life about what I can and can't wear, what I can and can't say, and how I can and can't act. But one of the girls said last night that if you look at this list of things with a heart that desires to follow after God it changes from a list of restrictions to a list of freedom. When I thought about it that really is so true! It's not about what's good and bad. It's a about what's better and BEST! I want God's BEST for me! I want to be the BEST friend, sister in Christ, and someday wife. And being the BEST comes from a heart of purity.

"Flee the evil desires of youth and PURSUE RIGHTEOUSNESS, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a PURE HEART."

**2 Timothy 2:22**

Woman of God

Every Monday night after the campers have arrived and we finish dinner, night swim, and drama, we head back to our cabins and have a little Monday night cabin talk before bed. One of the things we, as counselors, have been taught to really stress with our girls is the importance of being women of God. We teach the kids about respect, dignity, modesty, wisdom, love, kindness, and about thinking careful before they speak.

The more that I give this talk and hear it given and the longer I'm here at camp stressing it with the kids the more I become conscious of having these characteristics in my own life. I want to be known as a woman of God. When my time comes to be with the Lord I want to be remembered as someone who was respectable, honest, faithful, honorable, kind, loving, generous, hospitable, modest, wise, and kind. The more I've thought about these things the more I have come to see that I cannot become a woman of God on my own and most definitely not without being drenched in His word.

I have spent a lot of time in Proverbs in my face time with Jesus recently and God is using it greatly in my life. Daily I am convicted and challenged with something else to put off and put on. This summer has not been presented to me without it's challenges, but it comes with far greater blessings! There have been and still will be days of weakness, days when I think I can't go on, and the truth is that I can't.....on my own. But God is growing me and teaching me and strengthening me daily and I am so excited to continue towards my goal of becoming a woman of God! :)

Little Baby Update

I don't really have much time for this but my heart is so full from this past week that I wanted to give a small camp update! This year is going to be AWESOME!!!!! The staff is wonderful! They love Jesus and we have grown together so much already! I know we will be lifelong friends! Ya know how I blogged about Jesus turning my world upside down at Passion? Well that was just a small little upside down turning...more like a heart preparation! haha. Camp is the real deal!!!!

Honestly, my heart is a little too overwhelmed to post right now. I don't really know where to begin or what to say...there's just too much and not enough time. But I will say that I am doing well! For anyone I haven't talked to or been able to update on my life, I am loving camp and excited to see what God is going to do this summer. I AM missing everyone from school and home though as well! :) Ok...this really was a fail because I've gotta eat breakfast (late I know, but it was our FIRST day to sleep in!! haha) and get ready to become a lifeguard today!! Pray for me! haha. Miss and love you guys!!! I'll update later...maybe tonight? :)