Going North

Lyrics by Missy Higgins

I wanna dance the tango with chance

And I wanna ride on the wire

'Cause nothing gets done with dust in your gun

And nobody respects a liar

So, goodbye for a while

I'm off to explore every boundary and every door

Yeah, I'm going north

And I wanna know where children would go

If they never learned to be cool

'Cause nothing's achieved when pushed up a sleeve

So nobody thinks you're a fool

So, goodbye for a while

I'm out to learn more about who I really was before

Yeah, I'm going north

Up where the hunted hide with ease

Under the arms of eyeless trees

Up where the answers fall like leaves

Or when your love is all I need

Yeah, I'm going north

I'm going north

Yeah, I'm going north, yeah

 

Shutdown

I suppose since I live in D.C. now, I should include a little bit of history on my blog.  And there is no bigger topic in this city right now than the government shutdown.  It's been 13 days and you can tell the strain that it's putting on people already.  The city is quieter with a little less hustle and bustle than usual.  Except for the occasional protests and rallies capitol hill is bare.  Everyone is holding out...waiting for things to get sorted out and running again. 

Weekend Adventures

 Last Wednesday I got an awesome surprise!  Rachel graduated from high school with Austin Tate and she was able to get in touch with him and get some tickets from him for this weekend's game at Rutgers!  I've been a little depressed recently about missing out on football season and not getting to watch my Hogs play, so I was thrilled when I heard I was going to get to go!  And also, my sweet friend, Faithy, perfectly timed a letter to Rachel and I and included some Razorback decals in it!  I have the BEST friends!! 

We headed out Saturday morning and had a three and a half hour drive from DC to Rutgers University.  And to my very great excitement we found a Chic-fil-a on the way and I got chicken minis for breakfast!!!! Woohoo!  Haha.  Oh the little things... Obviously, losing was a little bit of a disappointment, and I most definitely do NOT ever want to live in New Jersey...or really ever visit there again...BUT it was a great, great day spent with other Arkansans and people who love our great state and our Razorback football boys! 

               






We stayed in NJ for the night and then drove 30 minutes the next day to Philly--The City of Brotherly Love.  I had never been to Philly before and it was such a fun trip getting to see The Liberty Bell and Independence Hall and explore the city!  And yes...yes, I took a picture with the Philly's mascot.  However, take note that this Cardinals fan is not being swayed in any way, just being a tourist for the day.  


This is one of the best best best parts of living in DC!  I am so very close to some amazing places and awesome historical landmarks.  It's like...living on vacation!  Almost.  It's something I think I've taken for granted and I'm realizing what an opportunity it is to be close enough that I can spend my weekends seeing things that some people only dream of getting to see.  Oh adventures.... :)

You May Say I'm a Dreamer

I've started to write this post a few times and honestly wasn't sure how to finish it so I erased it and gave up only to try to write it over and over again.  I'm determined that I will finish it today, because I'm sure that there is someone else out there in my shoes and someone else out there who needs to know they're not the only one going through this! 

As a recent college graduate I'm getting very used to hearing the question "So what's next?" or "What are you doing now?"  Sometimes when I hear that I want to curl up in a ball and become invisible.  I'd like to shrivel up and hope no one notices me.  It's like those last few weeks of high school all over again when the only things people seemed to care about were where you were going to college and what you were going to major in.  At the time that seemed like the biggest decision of my life.  I just knew that if I picked the wrong school or the wrong major I was going to ruin my life forever and miss something majorly important.  I definitely lost sleep and my appetite over it and now I wonder why.  Because to be honest, I know me and I know that I would have made great friends and had great success in college not matter where I had gone and what I had studied because I was determined to do so!  Thankfully, I did choose the school that I did, because I met my best friends there and I got a degree that I loved.  But I know that it was not an "end of the world" decision that I was making when I chose those things.  

Here I am again though.  I'm back at that place of "What comes next?"  Trying to figure out where I'm "supposed" to be and what I'm "supposed" to do.  And again, it seems like the end of the world.  It seems like life is a ticking time bomb and if I don't hurry and "figure my life out"  I'm going to miss every amazing opportunity I ever dreamed of!  And I have dreamed of a lot....

For anyone who knows me well, I am a dreamer at heart.  From the moment I watched Peter Pan and believed with my whole heart that Neverland was a real place to the first time I heard the story of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and tried countless times to find Narnia through the wardrobe in my bedroom, I've always had that bigger than the here and now, shoot for the stars imagination!  I love the crazy big, over the top ideas and dreams!  Throughout my life I've had plans to open my own flower shop, work with the whales at Sea World, live on the mission field in Mexico, run my own summer camp, be an Occupational Therapist, go to med school, write a book, become a singer, open a cupcake bakery, be a massage therapist, work for a huge PR firm, and most recently to start my own photography business.  Clearly, most of these things are completely unrelated to each other, but each one of them comes from a love for something specific deep inside of me.  

My frustration with myself always comes from the fact that I feel like I genuinely love entirely too many things.  If someone were to ask me to sum myself up briefly I would say "I am a gardening animal lover with a deep love for living life simply with children of all ethnicities in the sweaty heat of summer, hoping to one day work in the medical world while writing, singing, baking, and giving massages to a serious PR guru, all the while photographing all these shenanigans".  Because that makes so much sense, right?  How the heck can I deeply and genuinely love and pursue all of these things in one short lifetime?!  That's the thing I always forget though....I have a lifetime.  

Now granted, we don't know how long we have on this earth.  Thankfully, God already has my days numbered and He knows.  He's got it all figured out while my tiny brain is over here still trying to separate the sunflowers and the dolphins.  But I do know that this is my one life that I've been given and I want to live it to the very fullest!  I want to give it everything I've got and never look back with regrets.  

I'm learning that it's okay to not know.  It's okay to not have it all figured out.  Who knows!  Maybe I'll accomplish all those dreams (minus the whole marine biologist and med school thing) in my lifetime.  But for now, it's okay to just pick one and pursue it for a little while.  If it works out: great!  If it doesn't: that's okay too.  It's okay to not have a plan all the time.  It's okay to just stop and take life in.  Most people don't hop right out of college and into their dream job with everything they ever wanted in life.  But right here and right now is where God has me and He has me here for a reason.  And with His guidance I will find where I'm "supposed" to be when I'm "supposed" to be there.  

To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven. – Ecclesiastes 3:1

Adventure

ad·ven·ture
verb

• engage in hazardous and exciting activity, esp. the exploration of unknown territory.

Once upon a time I used to be safe.  I used to color inside the lines.  I used to "follow the leader wherever he may go." (tee-dum, tee-dee, a tee-da-lee-dum-dee-day...just a little Peter Pan sing-a-long side note). However, now, I am adventuring.  I am stepping outside of my comfortable boundaries and seeking to live life to the fullest!  I'm letting go, not planning, and flying by the seat of my pants. 

 It is completely new, utterly exhilarating, and absolutely terrifying.

In the past few weeks I have left everything I ever knew to be "home".  I have moved to a place filled with exotic food trucks, fantastical fountains, concrete artwork, and outlandish beings.  And now this is "home".  What an entirely electrifying experience!

I spend each day reminding myself, "This is real life! You really did this!  You really did step out of your comfort zone and take this giant leap!"  I did.  And I am loving it! 

Don't get me wrong.  There are moments that I freak out and questions my decisions.  There are moments that I miss the familiarity and the pleasures of home.  There are moments that all I want is to be curled up on Nanee and Papa's couch eating BlueBell ice cream, drinking Dr. Pepper, and watching Aristocats with Lily.  But in not taking this leap, I would have disappointed myself.  I would have always wondered.  I would have become complacent.  I never want to become complacent.  I want to always grow, always learn, always explore.

I want to always adventure.  

And adventure I will! 

So here I go... 

Romance

These past few weeks I've been reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.  Each day I have learned something new or had my eyes opened to something, but what I read this morning really grabbed my attention and painted a beautiful picture of our romance with Christ.

"Can there be any doubt that God wants to be sought after?  The first and greatest of all commands is to love Him (Mark 12:29-30, Matt. 22:36-38).  He wants us to love him.  To seek him with all our hearts.  A woman longs to be sought after, too, with the whole heart of her pursuer.  God longs to be desired.  Just as a woman longs to be desired.  This is not some weakness or insecurity on the part of a woman, that deep yearning to be desired. 'Take me for longing,' Alison Krauss sings, 'or leave me behind.'  God feels the same way.  Remember the story of Martha and Mary?  Mary chose God, and Jesus said that is what he wanted.  'Mary has chosen what is better' (Luke 10:42).  She chose me.

Life changes dramatically when romance comes into our lives.  Christianity changes dramatically when we discover that it, too, is a great romance.  That God yearns to share a life of beauty, intimacy, and adventure with us.  'I have loved you with an everlasting love' (Jer. 31:3).  This whole world was made for romance--the rivers and the glens, the meadows and beaches.  Flowers, music, a kiss.  But we have a way of forgetting all that, losing ourselves in work and worry.  Eve--God's message to the world in feminine form--invites us to romance.  Through her, God makes romance a priority of the universe. 

So God endows Woman with certain qualities that are essential to relationship, qualities that speak of God.  She is inviting.  She is vulnerable.  She is tender.  She embodies mercy.  She is also fierce and fiercely devoted.  As the old saying goes, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.'  That's just how God acts when He isn't chosen.  'I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God who will not share your affection with any other god!' (Ex. 20:5 NLT).  A woman's righteous jealousy speaks of the jealousy of God for us.  Tender and inviting, intimate and alluring, fiercely devoted.  Oh yes, our God has a passionate, romantic heart.  Just look at Eve."

I want to be a Mary--passionately in love with my beautiful Savior who loves me so deeply in return and never too busy to spend time alone with Him.   

See you when I see you...

Wellllllll.....It's that time of year again.  Finals week...the week that I get all weepy and sappy and a little bit depressed because I have to say goodbye to everyone for the summer.  Except this year is a little different.  This year I have friends who are leaving and not coming back next year.  Friends who RUINED my plans for having another whole year before we had to do these final goodbyes...really guys??!  Kiddingggg...except not really! Ha.  

But as much as I make this out to be the worst week of my life and act like the world is coming to an end (yeah, yeah, I know I'm dramatic) it's really been a good week in some ways.  I've been giving a lot of thought to these wonderful friendships I have here and the blessings that these friends have been in my life.  And as I've been doing that I thought I'd share a little bit about these sweet people I'm going to miss so much! 

Love love love her!!!

Let's start out with the ever so animated Kristina Villines! :)  For anyone who knows her, the word "animated" doesn't really do her justice, but it's the closest thing in my mind to describing her!  Kristina was one of the first people I met when I came to Tech!  Taylor Thompson and I walked over to the Wesley Foundation for Frogappoloza not having ANY clue what we were getting ourselves into! ha.  We were a little late so we grabbed some food and sat on the ground beside Kristina Villines.  She immediately started talking to us and getting to know us.  And that was the beginning of a beeeeeeautiful friendship! Lol.  Some of my favorite memories with Kristina include driving to Nebo, windows down, singing "My Heart Will Go On" at the top of our lungs and making sure that everyone within five miles could hear us; cuddling as close as we possible could to each other at the Great Frog Getaway on tiny bunk beds that were pushed together as we almost froze to death; taking our age to age kids to Sonic together; giggling in the back of Ching Zeng's class; the best eyebrow waxing jobs EVER!; being thrown over her shoulders and dropped on my head while trying to take piggy pack pictures; and getting tackled and then nuzzled.....Kristina knows how to give the BEST hugs!! :)  You'll always be my little cuddle buddy and the best nuzzler ever! :)  Luuuuuv you sis!

Next...Faithyyyyy!  Ohhhh Faithy! :)  I have had THE best time making memories with Faith Newton throughout this past year!  I've known her since freshman year, but for some reason we didn't start hanging out till recently?  That was stupid because we were definitely meant to be friends!   I literally think I laugh more with Faith that just about anyone.  We can just look at each other and die laughing.  And I love it!  Last semester we went to a concert which brought about my obsession with Eden's Edge.  Faith has me hooked on them!  Sooo...she can't complain when it's all I want to listen to now!  Haha.  I love our "feet aren't touching the floor" moments with Rachel and walking around downtown Little Rock (including the Kroger) laughing at everything..even if it wasn't actually all that funny?  "Please, remove your aprons before entering the restroom."  Lol.  And the recent river trips have been memories I'll never forget!  "I'm going through the rapiiiiiiiidddsssss!"  Let's be honest, I wouldn't be nearly as good at navigating rapids if it wasn't for your expert advice on finding the "V"!  I'm so thankful to have gotten to know the sweet, hard-working, loyal, fun-loving Faithy this past year and I will miss her SO much next year! :(  Don't forget me in D.C.!!!!!

Oh Torpuppy!!  Your turn! hehe. Victoria (Tori) Wehunt....I just wanted to use the full name for effect! lol.  I don't actually know if I should start of with something sappy or something funny.  Because...let's be honest, we've had plenty of both!  Together, the two of us probably produce enough tears to supply all the rivers in Arkansas with enough water to float year round!  And we don't even have to be sad!  Usually, it's just because of some Khloe and Lamar episode or something like that! Ha.  We are "two minds in one body"!  All I have to do is look at Tordawg from across the room and I know know exactly what she's thinking and she knows what I'm thinking!  We're just good like that!  She shares my love for taking pictures, coloring, country music, kids, the animal shelter, snow cones, Sonic happy hour, the lake, and the Kardashians!  We've been on too many road trips to count them all--Florida, Passion, Magtown, Harrison....just to name a few!  And Tor...you've successfully added Beaches to my list of favorite movies!  LOVE! :)  Thank you for being a best friend since freshman year!!  You're one of the few people who's stuck by this attitude-filled, sassy, mouthy, emotional, obnoxious person that I am! lol.  I love you so much and if you don't come down and see me from Fort Smith I WILL grab Kiwi and Jilliann and track you down and I'm sure they will be happy to assist me in yelling at your whiiiiiiile sitting on you and finding your belly button!! Kay? ;)

Last but not least I have to talk about Rach--Rooms, Razzie, Rackel, Squeaky, Sweet Baby Rae Rae!  You have a lot of names ya know?  lol.  This girl has been with me as long as Tordawg and has put up with at least as much of my attitude too!  She helps me to pull it together when I'm an emotional baby about the most ridiculous things and she always bears with me during allllll my obnoxious photoshoots! haha.  A few words of wisdom from Rach include "It is what it is"..."Bubble!! Get in a bubble!!"...and "STOP APOLOGING!"...just to name a few.  We have basically made it through the whole world of Mario together.  That's a pretty darn loooong journey!  We have been friends long enough for me to watch sweet little Allie grow up...right before my eyes....*sniff*.  She used to be a wittle puppy and now she's jumping through hula-hoops over my back!  I can't believe it!  Rachel's sweet family has basically adopted me and let me visit more times than I can count (mostly because Zac reeeeally likes cookies! Ha).  I'm so thankful to you, Rach, for looking past the weirdy, homeschool-ness (lol) and choosing to be my friend anyway! haha. I'm so proud of you for all of your hard work and for making it to D.C.!!  I'm gonna miss you like crazy and if you ever decide that you miss Russellville too much and just need to move back, I'll make a spot on the floor of my single in Tucker for a twin-sized air mattress!  But do NOT expect me to make room in my closet for you! haha. Kiddinggggg! (kinda.)  Looooove you!

As much as I hate these "see ya laters", they are a part of life and something I have to learn to deal with.  In the perfect words of Jason Aldean:

"God made this whole world round

And maybe it's that way

So the paths we go down

Yeah, will cross again someday.

See you when I see you

Another place, some other time.

If I ever get down your way,

or you're ever up around mine.

We'll laugh about the old days

And catch up on the new.

I'll see you when I see you.

And I hope it's someday soon."