Running in Circles

Do you ever get so frustrated for no real reason and you just don't know why you're frustrated??! It's the most annoying feeling in the world!! I'm there. I'm easily irritated. I get my feelings hurt easily. I'm moody. I'm frustrated all the time. I try to make everyone and myself happy and keep failing. I feel like I could cry but I'm too mad at myself to cry!! None of this makes any sense to me..at all!! I don't understand myself and it makes me so mad. How can I be irritated, annoyed, frustrated, or whatever and not have a reason for it?! I keep trying to figure out what's up and honestly the only thing that I can come up with is that there's not enough Jesus in my life.

I guess I've been so focused on myself and what I "want" and this world clearly doesn't satisfy. I'm not satisfied and I can't really pinpoint one specific thing or area that annoys me, but maybe that's just it. Maybe it's everything in this world that is bogging me down. I'm tired of school. I feel like I'm an AWFUL friend. I'm not a pleasant person to be around. I'm tired. I'm not taking care of my body. I feel like I've been running in circles and I've finally hit a wall.

Sunday is my 20th birthday and I'm praying that God will use these next two days to really work on my heart. New Years resolutions are starting to be forgotten. It's February now so it doesn't really feel like a "new year" as much anymore. But it's a "new year" for me! It's a new year of my life. It's a new chapter and a new beginning. I love the word "new"!! Absolutely LOVE it!! It's like a clean slate, a piece of white paper, freshly painted walls, never worn Nikes, a canvas that hasn't yet been painted. So if it kills me, I WILL take these next two days to read, pray, and seek what I need to change and how I can do that! And now that I got all of that off of my chest I feel better. Just wanted everyone what's coming!