Woman of God

Every Monday night after the campers have arrived and we finish dinner, night swim, and drama, we head back to our cabins and have a little Monday night cabin talk before bed. One of the things we, as counselors, have been taught to really stress with our girls is the importance of being women of God. We teach the kids about respect, dignity, modesty, wisdom, love, kindness, and about thinking careful before they speak.

The more that I give this talk and hear it given and the longer I'm here at camp stressing it with the kids the more I become conscious of having these characteristics in my own life. I want to be known as a woman of God. When my time comes to be with the Lord I want to be remembered as someone who was respectable, honest, faithful, honorable, kind, loving, generous, hospitable, modest, wise, and kind. The more I've thought about these things the more I have come to see that I cannot become a woman of God on my own and most definitely not without being drenched in His word.

I have spent a lot of time in Proverbs in my face time with Jesus recently and God is using it greatly in my life. Daily I am convicted and challenged with something else to put off and put on. This summer has not been presented to me without it's challenges, but it comes with far greater blessings! There have been and still will be days of weakness, days when I think I can't go on, and the truth is that I can't.....on my own. But God is growing me and teaching me and strengthening me daily and I am so excited to continue towards my goal of becoming a woman of God! :)

Little Baby Update

I don't really have much time for this but my heart is so full from this past week that I wanted to give a small camp update! This year is going to be AWESOME!!!!! The staff is wonderful! They love Jesus and we have grown together so much already! I know we will be lifelong friends! Ya know how I blogged about Jesus turning my world upside down at Passion? Well that was just a small little upside down turning...more like a heart preparation! haha. Camp is the real deal!!!!

Honestly, my heart is a little too overwhelmed to post right now. I don't really know where to begin or what to say...there's just too much and not enough time. But I will say that I am doing well! For anyone I haven't talked to or been able to update on my life, I am loving camp and excited to see what God is going to do this summer. I AM missing everyone from school and home though as well! :) Ok...this really was a fail because I've gotta eat breakfast (late I know, but it was our FIRST day to sleep in!! haha) and get ready to become a lifeguard today!! Pray for me! haha. Miss and love you guys!!! I'll update later...maybe tonight? :)

If you know me even a little you know that I love memories--making them, carefully recording them, and remeniscing over them. As this semester, and even more than that, my sophmore year of college comes to an end I find myself sorting through a multitude of memories that have flooded through my head these past few days. What a year it has been! People often talk about life being a roller coaster full of ups and downs and that is literally the best way I know to describe this year. I have found myself at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, at the top of Mt. Everest, and everywhere else in between! And through all the hard times and the sweet times God has taught me SO much and molded me more and more into the person I know He wants me to be. Let me try to summarize the year a little:

So I suppose I'll start with the beginning of the school year...I moved into Hughes Hall, room 216 more ready than EVER to be back at school with all of my best friends from here living just down the hall from me. I had a blast working at camp all summer and loved spending my days with the precious kids, but it was harder than I had expected and I couldn't wait to be back in my daily routine at school, surrounded by my "Russellville family". I returned on a "Jesus high" from daily morning devos and nightime worship services. For a while that high kept me pursuing Him and on fire for spreading the name of Jesus across this campus. But it didn't take long before I was distracted by my own selfish desires and agendas--nothing necessarily bad, just centered around ME.

October came with a lot of "firsts". I hadn't really celebrated Halloween since I was little. I usually just go to church and help with the "Reformation Celebration" just because that was the thing to do in our youth group, but I honestly could have cared less about Halloween. Well, that's most definitely not the case at the Mouser house! :) We started out the "scares" with a haunted house in Little Rock--my first time ever. I was PETRIFIED standing in line for an hour before we got in. And I may or may not have ever let go of Rachel's shirt and it's possible that my face was burried in her shoulder for three-fourths of the journey through it. Haha. Butttt....it was a fun experience and once we got out I decided that "it wasn't all that bad" and I actually had a lot of fun! Halloween in Harrison means LOTS of decorations, candy, cooking (witches fingers, ghost cookies, kitty litter cake...just to name a few!), a party with close friends from church and the community, a cosutume contest, and sitting out on the porch fully dressed in scary costumes ready to give candy to the trick-or-treaters. We spent most of Friday night and Saturday dumpster diving, collecting supplies, designing, and creating our costume--tetris pieces. Saturday night was the party at the Mouser house and then off to another haunted house (a little more fun and not so scary the second time around!). And Sunday was sitting on the porch passing out candy. I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to doing it all over again this year! :)

Thanksgiving was different than normal...Usually Mema and Grandpa come to our house, but this year it was just Mema. Grandpa passed away on October 15th. I guess you could say it was somewhat expected because his body had been infected with cancer for a long time. But a death, no matter how expected or unexpected, is never easy. It took me two weeks before I fully came to grips with the fact that he was gone. And then the emotions came over me all over again the week of Thanksgiving. It was the little things that I wasn't prepared for, like looking over from the kitchen and seeing Dad and Mema sitting on the couch tearing the bread for the dressing. That was always Grandpa's job...he would sit at the table and work on it dilligently until it was finished. So that was hard, but good to be home with my family and spend that time with Mema. It's hard times like that, that bring you closer to people and strengthen your love for them.

Christmas break rolled around and, as usual, I was dreading it a little bit. Of course, I love the Christmas season and time with my family and friends from home, but a month away from my "home" and friends here always seems so long! It was a strange break for me as I realized how much I had changed over the semester. I went home drained and overall just really discouraged. I was confused about what was wrong and why the semester had been so hard for me. The days before Christmas were hard...I was just annoyed and frustrated feeling like I didn't have a "place" in Little Rock anymore. My friendships from home weren't the same, I wasn't the same, and even my relationships with my family members weren't the same. After Christmas I was blessed to talk over lunch with my precious best friend and mentor, Krista Spoon, and then to get coffee with my parents. Both of those times were very eye-opening to me and I realized that I had lost myself trying to fit a mold and be someone I wasn't. Not really anything big, just stupid stuff. I spent some time in prayer and just thinking over things and was so relieved to just give my life back over to Jesus and re-prioritize my time and what really meant the most to me in life.

I got to spend New Years Eve in Harrison and at the river house with Kiwi, Jilliann, Rach, Tordawg, and Callie (who had decided by then that she was transferring from Bryan to Tech!!). Originally, I was supposed to be in India on a mission trip over New Years, but God had other plans for that trip and all of us planning to go on it. After a few days in Harrison I went back home for a few days of packing up and then back to school.....FINALLY! (I really do love school, Russellville, my church, and my friends here if you can't tell!)

Classes this semester were a little easier for me. Not easy...but easier, which I have been very thankful for! :) I feel like the first two months were spent counting down the days to spring break a little bit. haha. We didn't know what we were going to do but the five of us girls knew we all wanted to go somewhere together! We decided less than two weeks before the break that we were going to take a little road trip to Destin, FL. Four days on the beach and two in the car with four of my best friends made for wonderful break from the cold and dreary Arkansas weather. We made it back safe and sound with lots of funny memories and good times that I will never forget.

After a week back at school we headed out the very next Friday to Ft. Worth, TX for the Passion Conference. It was a 3 day conference for 18-25 year olds. John Piper, Louie Giglio, and Francis Chan were the speakers and worship was led by Chris Tomlin, Christy Nockles, David Crowder Band, Charlie Hall, and there was a surprise appearance by Lecrae (which I may or may not have freaked out about....to say the least! haha). God turned my world upside down in these three days!! He showed me things in my life that I needed to change that I didn't even realize about myself. I got to experience worship with 10,000 other Christ followers my age, with hands raised toward the heavens, singing to our Savior and welcoming Him to "rain down on us". I was blessed to be able to grow closer to five of my very best friends in a way that we had never grown before because it was through our love for Christ and our desire to follow Him and be used by Him to make more Christ followers.

We came back to school with a passion and a fire for spreading the great news and wanting everyone we know to "get it" as Louie Giglio kept putting it--not just knowing the truth but getting the truth and living it out! The Lord gave us the idea of starting a prayer movement at school, so the night we got back we started spreading the word that we were going to meet on the third floor balcony of the school library at 11:11 p.m. to pray for our campus. The first week we ranged from 8-18 students holding hands and lifting our voices out loud all at once to our Savior begging for lives to be changed and for Him to use us and move through us. We continued it through the rest of the semester (weather permitting), and although it has moved to the sidewalk behind the library and we have fewer people, it has been a consistant few and a sweet time to stop, come together, and end our busy days with a time to re-focus our hearts on our most important mission at school!

I ended my semester with a trip to Harrison this past week for five days of just chillin' and hanging out with the girls.....except Tori who didn't end up getting to come. :-( We spent time at the river swimming, fishing, and catching crawdads; hiked; stayed up late watching movies; slept in till we couldn't sleep anymore; made dinner together; had an evening of "name that hymn" with Rachel's mom on the piano with the electricity out; and even made it to an awards ceremony for Zac (Rachel's brother)! Overall, it was a fun week and I was thankful for the sweet time with friends before summer started and we got busy with working. The year was a good one. There were ups and downs, as usual, and I'm thankful for all of them and what I learned through it all. :)

Constant Dripping

This morning as I woke up to yet another day of rain, I was thinking about it and God brought to my mind Proverbs 27:15. It says, "A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike." I looked up the word contentious in the dictionary and it says, "likely to cause disagreement or argument". My John MacArthur Study Bible has a note about this verse and also Proverbs 19:13 (which talks about the same thing) which says, "An obstinate, argumentative woman is literally like a leak so unrelenting that one has to run from it or go mad.

These past few weeks have been filled with more than enough rain to make me understand the concept on "a constant dripping"! We've had a constant dripping for weeks! There have been a few days of sunshine every now and then but for the most part it's been a continual, steady rain. You can't get away from it and like my study Bible was talking about, there have been some days when I thought I was going to go mad! It just gets old and it's always there. I try to go outside and walk to class or church or whatever my plans are for the day and the rain is there to get in the way. It's a hassle and it's annoying.

So think about that this morning as you're walking to class in the rain or driving to work or whatever the Lord has you doing on this rainy day. What kind of woman (or man) are you? Are you always picking an argument? Do you regularly cause disagreement? Ultimately are your thoughts consumed with you and your life and what's best for you? Or are you seeking the desires and intrests of others first? Are you "a constant dripping"?

Losing Myself

Do you ever think back on your life and how you used to dress, what you used to love, your favorite music, favorite movies, favorite things to do? This week I've been thinking a lot about just how I used to be, how I've changed, and who I am now. I used to love to listen to Josh Groban, Charlotte Church, soundtracks from musicals like Wicked and Phantom of the Opera. My favorite movies were Beauty and the Beast, Peter Pan, Pirates of the Carribean, and Pride and Prejudice. I watched these on a weekly or monthly basis at the very least! I might have been a teenager, but I was DETERMINED that I would never grow up! haha. I loved "love", musicals, "happily ever after", and the thought of being a princess and finding my perfect prince someday. I obviously knew that life wasn't "perfect" in that sense, but I was perfectly ok with watching sappy love stories and for that hour and a half I put myself in the movie and I was actually Belle or Wendy or Elizabeth Swann or Elizabeth Bennett.

I grew up playing make believe. It was my favorite thing in the world to do and I could entertain myself for hours doing it! I don't even know if my mom ever realized how much I did it. (Or maybe she was watching me through my cracked bedroom door all along! haha.) But I really did. I would go into my bedroom, shut the door, and make up some new life for myself and sometimes my "life" would go on for weeks every afternoon in my bedroom! I used to be so creative and imaginative. I miss that.

Now, as much as I never wanted to I feel like I've actually started to grow up...it's like when Wendy grows up in the sequel to Peter Pan and forgets how to be a kid until her daughter Jane goes to Neverland and meets Peter Pan. Haha. It's ok if you want to laugh at me referring to Peter Pan in a blog as a 20 year old! lol. I love my life now, but sometimes I just have these days when I remember all those fun memories of being a kid when life was carefree and I could fade away in to a pretend world where life was exactly what I wanted it to be. I miss being able to just let my thoughts and fantasies travel where they wanted to go and carry me off with them. It sounds ridiculous, but it's a big part of who I was!!

I used to love to paint too. I loved to turn instrumental music on from my favorite sountracks and close my eyes and think about the movie and the paint what came to mind. It was so much fun to me to put my thoughts and creativity on paper. It didn't always come out how it was in my mind exactly buttttt it was fun anyway! haha .

I don't really know what got me thinking about all of this or where it came from. I guess I just was looking through my ipod and thinking of all the stuff I never listen to anymore just cuz a lot of it is stuff that most of my friends here wouldn't love or have fun with the way I do. And as I was thinking back on all of this I just felt overwhelmed by this huge part of me that I feel like I've lost! All of this stuff such a big part of me and who I am....or was. I have this little part inside of me that is just so creative and I haven't let it stir in so long! I've quit painting and playing the piano and writing poems. I guess when I didn't have time for everything anymore that's what I let go of. And it's kinda just scared me a little maybe? I just had a small panic attack that I had lost "Katie"....if that makes any sense.

It's just one part of me though and I have become more open minded to so many new things as well. I've learned to love so much that I just never knew about or was too afraid to try or experience (like turkey hunting! haha). I've embraced meeting new people and making new friends. I've streteched myself since I came to school and I'm VERY thankful to God for growing me in that way.

It's funny because those things aren't really the things that should define me as a believer, but in a way I've let them define me. No matter what earthly and temporary things I love Jesus stays the same ALWAYS! And as long as He is my focus I should never be able to "lose myself". No matter what movies or music I love, no matter what activites I love to do, no matter how I "let my creative juices flow" my Savior and my purpose in life never changes! EVER!! How cool is that??! People around me will change. What I love will change. I will change. Where I live will change. How I dress will change. But GOD NEVER CHANGES!! And ultimately, if my life is rooted in Him, then in a way, I can't change either.

I realize that this post is random and all over the place. Honestly, it's kinda just me thinking outloud...but I feel better finally putting all my thoughts into words and in one place altogether. :) So...I'm sorry for being all over the place this afternoon, butttttt that's just how I am sometimes! :)

Mother Teresa

Someone once shared with me a piece of paper with a bunch of Mother Teresa quotes. I fell in love with these and wrote them down in my journal so I would always be able to go back and re-read them. I was reading through my journal last night and stumbled across them and thought I would share them. I hope they encourage, challenge, motivate, convict, and bless you the way they have for me! Enjoy! :)

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

"One filled with joy preaches without preaching."

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."

"Violence of the tongu is very real--sharper than any knife."

"To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it."

"Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person."

"It just takes one day. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not come. We have only today to love Jesus."

"God hasn't called me to be successful. He's called me to be faithful."

"I am like a little pencil in God's hand. He does the writing. The pencil has nothing to do with it."

"Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other--it doesn't matter who it is and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other."

--Mother Teresa

I'm Not Who I Was

"I found us in a photograph

I saw me and I had to laugh

You know, I'm not who I was...

I write about love and such

Maybe cuz I want it so much

I'm not who I was...

Well the thing I find so amazing

In amazing grace is the chance to give it out

Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now

I wish I could show you how

I'm not who I was"

When I left for Passion 2011 in Ft. Worth, Texas last weekend I was a different person than the person I am now. The Katie Magnus that returned to Russellville isn't the same Katie Magnus that left. How could I be after all the teaching, worshipping, praying, thinking, evaluating, growing, sharing, crying, and just having my heart completely pounded in general?? God has moved in my heart like never before.

When Francis Chan spoke he talked about this "moment" you have where God just moves in you and you feel different. Generally it is when you become a believer, but for me that moment came this weekend. I've been saved since I was in 4th grade but I have never had that moment of "Oh my goodness, my Savior died for ME! My sins were the nails that were pounded into His hands. My evil heart hung Him on that cross! And He has poured His undeserved grace and lavished His never-ending love on my life!!"......until this weekend!

I went to Passion knowing that I needed to change...knowing that my heart had grow cold and hardened to my Jesus....knowing that I was headed down the path that leads to destruction. But I had no idea that God would tear my heart to peices the way that He did this weekend. I was blessed to hear God speak through Louie Giglio, Francis Chan, and John Piper and to worship with true worshippers--Chris Tomlin, Charlie Hall, Christy Nockles, Kristian Stanfill, David Crowder, and Lecrae. All of these people I have mentioned have devoted their lives to carrying the name of Jesus and the do it with utmost humility. They don't demand introductions or applause from others. They stood up on the stage not preaching at us or singing to us, but preaching to themselves as well and worshipping along with us! It was such a blessing to see such humility and passion for Jesus and His people!

My heart was completely torn apart and utterly broken for the unreached people groups of this world that I didn't even realize existed!! So many people have never even heard the name of Jesus and have no access to a Bible in their native language. And here I sit in my comfortable dorm room in Russellville, Arkansas with plenty of food to eat, clothes to wear, school that's paid for, and more crap than I will EVER need but I seem to think that I can't live without! I couldn't stop tears from pouring down my face as I watched videos of the Koso people in Mali, Africa talk about the road to Jesus and how they were telling everyone they knew about Jesus and this new found hope and chance for life forever with Jesus. And then seeing a 7 year old Hatian girl named Therissa who lost her mom, her sister, and one of her arms in the earthquakes standing on the stage right there in Ft. Worth smiling because we were able to help give her a prosthetic arm and a college fund.......Jesus brought me to my knees.......literally.

I have so much that I want to share but for now this is just a little taste of where God's brought me so far. My passion right now is carrying the name of Jesus across the Arkansas Tech campus. My heart is broken for the lost and suffering people in this world, but right now God has me in Russellville. So my mission field is the lost and suffering people here --students, professors, cleaning ladies, the Doc's ladies, caf workers, and whoever else He brings me into contact with.

On our way home from passion the girls and I were talking about how and where to start when we got back. We all agreed on the importance of prayer: praying for the people we need to reach and for strength and courage for ourselves as Satan tries to break us down. So we have started a prayer movement that we're calling "11:11". It kinda came from the idea of "11:11! Make a wish!" We just decided that instead of "making a wish" at 11:11 we wanted to pray for this campus. So for the past two nights there has been a group that has met on the balcony on the third floor of the library and we have prayed together. The first night it was just 6 girls and 1 guy. Then last night we had 18 people!! God is already answering prayers!! It was so encouraging both nights to come together at the end of our day and pray with other believers with the same passion and desire to reach the people of Arkansas Tech and to know that we are not alone in this. To hear everyone's voiced lifted to heaven pleading for the salvation of our classmates and professors, was unlike anything I've ever felt. It was just one of many reminders of God's goodness to provide "the church"....not the actual building...but the people of Christ coming together for one purpose and one desire.

Please be in prayer for this movement!! We are only human and taking time to go there every night may be great and encouraging now, but there will be days when we don't feel like it or we are busy or when we feel like we are losing that passion. We have no strength on our own. It comes only from God!! So pray that God will continue to grow this movement and use us how He pleases. Pray that people will look past us and see straight to Him!

To God be the glory!!