A Place of Quiet Rest

This morning started out beautifully with a cup of delicious Kona coffee at our kitchen table as I met with Jesus in the peace and quiet of the morning. Because I don't ever get to sleep in during the week at camp I had every intention of sleeping the morning away! I did at least set my alarm for 10:30 so that I wouldn't sleep all day and would be up in time to get ready and do some things before lunch...but the Lord had other plans in mind for my morning! :)

Rebekah left for a car wash a little before 9:00 and woke me up to tell me she was leaving. I couldn't go back to sleep after that so I laid in bed for a little bit and just enjoyed being still and not having to get up for any reason in particular. As I laid there just thinking about the week and random things that have been stirring in my heart I felt the Lord saying to me, "Why are you wasting this time? You could be spending these moments diving into my Word and talking with me!" So I hopped out of bed, grabbed my Bible, and headed to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and meet with Jesus.

Last night, Laura and I talked about a book she was reading and one that I had read before so I went to my room to try to find it so I could start reading it too. When I did I found some old journals and started reading through them and got distracted for a little bit. :) Then I stumbled across the devotional book "A Place of Quiet Rest" by Nancy Leigh Demoss. My mom gave this book to both of my sisters and me a few years ago in our stockings at Christmas. I started it, but like most books I start, I never finished it. So I picked it up and brought it back to the kitchen with me and decided I was going to start back at the beginning and actually finish a book for once in my life! I don't know why I am always so surprised, by how God works, but he had Laura and I talk about that book last night, not only because I needed to read that book, but because He knew I needed to stumble across this one as well! I went ahead and started it this morning and it is already rocking my world!!!

The very first chapter talks about how as women we often struggle with business and stress and "not having time" for Jesus during our day. It went into a lot of detail about how we cannot give and give and give of ourselves and not be filled back up with Jesus. We don't have anything to give on our own. All that we give to others comes from the Lord and His love and strength. This past week I went the first four days without a real and focused time with the Lord. By Thursday night I was so eager to go to bed and wake up the next morning to start my day out right! I had been trying to give and give and give of myself, but failing miserably. I was discouraged and worn out and just barely making it all week. And Friday came...the last day of the week, the day I should have been the most exhausted....and I had this abundant energy and joy--because I had started my day out being filled up with the Lord!

"Jesus knew that any power or ability He had to minister to others was due to the fact that He was "one with the Father." He knew it was essential for Him to stay connected to His Father for that was His Source of life, joy, power, peace , and fruifulness. He knew He had to walk in union and commmunion with His Father if He was to know and do His Father's will. He had no other purpose for being on this earth than to do the will of His Father. so He had no higer priority than to abide in intimate, unbroken fellowship with His Father, so that He might fulfill His Father's will."

--Nancy Leigh Demoss

This morning I have a peace and a joy that I know can only come from the Lord. I am excited about this weekend and time with family and friends from home. I'm excited to see how the Lord will allow me to encourage and minister to others. I have peace in knowing that my life is in the hands of my all-knowing, all-sufficient God and that if I am chasing after Him and only Him, He will guide my steps and make my path straight. It is so good to be in the will of the Lord and to know that my life belongs to Him.

Purity

This summer has been a time of great growth and learning in my life. But it has also been a struggle. A good struggle, but still a struggle. My heart longs to seek after the face of God and the things of God, but my flesh is still so weak. It's been a battle all summer, not necessarily to make good choices, but a battle in my mind to set boundaries right now for the rest of my life. This week has been a week of laziness for me spiritually.

I haven't been getting up early enough for face time with God in the morning and I haven't been pursuing Him with ALL my heart, soul, mind, and strength. And it shows. It's been a hard week. I've barely been making it though and I have lacked joy and just that overflowing love that comes from Christ in me. Because we have a day camp this week we are "off" for the day at 3:00 each afternoon, but after a rest time and dinner we have had some kind of worship service or ministry time each evening. Last night we had guy/girl night and all of us girls got to spend an evening in one of the villas with Alphie Thomas. We dove into the Word to see what it has to say about purity and I was encouraged, challenged, and so refreshed by our sweet time together! When I think of Alphie one of the first words that comes to my mind is purity. She is a woman of God and someone I look up to and want to model my life after in so many ways.

She gave us a few print outs with practical ways to practice purity and some verses to stir our hearts toward purity and encourage us. A big thing that I really got last night that I also feel like God was already stirring in my heart is a purity of my heart. It's not just about how far you go physically and being modest, but it all begins with my heart. If I have pure motives the rest will follow much more naturally. My heart has to desire purity and long for the things of God. She talked to us about keeping ourselves free from emotional entanglements and guarding our hearts. A big part of that is not indulging in mental fantasies. I know my own heart and I know that after a day of sappy romance movies I go into "I need to find the love of my life!" mode. It's not that I purposely think, "I am going to watch this movie and take my heart to that place.", but it just goes there. Not to say that I'm done watching love movies, but I know that my heart has to be guarded when I do and I need to limit myself.

"Finally, sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever us PURE, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

**Philippians 4:8**

Another thing we talked about that has really been stirring in my heart is not to be bold and flirtatious. As a 20 year old who has never been on a date, I panic sometimes and think, "Who lives 20 years and never goes on a single date?! How am I ever going to get married if I don't date around and find 'that guy'?!". So naturally, I feel the need to flirt with any guy that I "might have a connection with" or "could like". But that is playing with his heart and putting mine in a place of vulnerability all because I'm worried I'll never find the right guy? God doesn't need me to flirt and be bold and forward to find my husband. God already knows who he is and is preparing his heart for me and my heart for him. My job right now is to be faithfully serving and seeking after Him. The kind of woman I am is the kind of guy I will attract. I don't want someone who is going to settle for the girl who is easiest to get attention from or the guy who settles for the first girl who throws herself at him. I want someone who is seeking after God and praying for guidance and wisdom. I want someone who will serve alongside me and who has to be seeking God in order to find me because both of our hearts are so lost in God.

"Therefore, I urge you, sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

**Romans 12:1-2**

When I first heard that we were talking about purity I kinda pulled back a little bit. It's always a subject that I have hated a little bit because I feel like so often it just puts so many rules on my life about what I can and can't wear, what I can and can't say, and how I can and can't act. But one of the girls said last night that if you look at this list of things with a heart that desires to follow after God it changes from a list of restrictions to a list of freedom. When I thought about it that really is so true! It's not about what's good and bad. It's a about what's better and BEST! I want God's BEST for me! I want to be the BEST friend, sister in Christ, and someday wife. And being the BEST comes from a heart of purity.

"Flee the evil desires of youth and PURSUE RIGHTEOUSNESS, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a PURE HEART."

**2 Timothy 2:22**

Woman of God

Every Monday night after the campers have arrived and we finish dinner, night swim, and drama, we head back to our cabins and have a little Monday night cabin talk before bed. One of the things we, as counselors, have been taught to really stress with our girls is the importance of being women of God. We teach the kids about respect, dignity, modesty, wisdom, love, kindness, and about thinking careful before they speak.

The more that I give this talk and hear it given and the longer I'm here at camp stressing it with the kids the more I become conscious of having these characteristics in my own life. I want to be known as a woman of God. When my time comes to be with the Lord I want to be remembered as someone who was respectable, honest, faithful, honorable, kind, loving, generous, hospitable, modest, wise, and kind. The more I've thought about these things the more I have come to see that I cannot become a woman of God on my own and most definitely not without being drenched in His word.

I have spent a lot of time in Proverbs in my face time with Jesus recently and God is using it greatly in my life. Daily I am convicted and challenged with something else to put off and put on. This summer has not been presented to me without it's challenges, but it comes with far greater blessings! There have been and still will be days of weakness, days when I think I can't go on, and the truth is that I can't.....on my own. But God is growing me and teaching me and strengthening me daily and I am so excited to continue towards my goal of becoming a woman of God! :)

Little Baby Update

I don't really have much time for this but my heart is so full from this past week that I wanted to give a small camp update! This year is going to be AWESOME!!!!! The staff is wonderful! They love Jesus and we have grown together so much already! I know we will be lifelong friends! Ya know how I blogged about Jesus turning my world upside down at Passion? Well that was just a small little upside down turning...more like a heart preparation! haha. Camp is the real deal!!!!

Honestly, my heart is a little too overwhelmed to post right now. I don't really know where to begin or what to say...there's just too much and not enough time. But I will say that I am doing well! For anyone I haven't talked to or been able to update on my life, I am loving camp and excited to see what God is going to do this summer. I AM missing everyone from school and home though as well! :) Ok...this really was a fail because I've gotta eat breakfast (late I know, but it was our FIRST day to sleep in!! haha) and get ready to become a lifeguard today!! Pray for me! haha. Miss and love you guys!!! I'll update later...maybe tonight? :)

If you know me even a little you know that I love memories--making them, carefully recording them, and remeniscing over them. As this semester, and even more than that, my sophmore year of college comes to an end I find myself sorting through a multitude of memories that have flooded through my head these past few days. What a year it has been! People often talk about life being a roller coaster full of ups and downs and that is literally the best way I know to describe this year. I have found myself at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, at the top of Mt. Everest, and everywhere else in between! And through all the hard times and the sweet times God has taught me SO much and molded me more and more into the person I know He wants me to be. Let me try to summarize the year a little:

So I suppose I'll start with the beginning of the school year...I moved into Hughes Hall, room 216 more ready than EVER to be back at school with all of my best friends from here living just down the hall from me. I had a blast working at camp all summer and loved spending my days with the precious kids, but it was harder than I had expected and I couldn't wait to be back in my daily routine at school, surrounded by my "Russellville family". I returned on a "Jesus high" from daily morning devos and nightime worship services. For a while that high kept me pursuing Him and on fire for spreading the name of Jesus across this campus. But it didn't take long before I was distracted by my own selfish desires and agendas--nothing necessarily bad, just centered around ME.

October came with a lot of "firsts". I hadn't really celebrated Halloween since I was little. I usually just go to church and help with the "Reformation Celebration" just because that was the thing to do in our youth group, but I honestly could have cared less about Halloween. Well, that's most definitely not the case at the Mouser house! :) We started out the "scares" with a haunted house in Little Rock--my first time ever. I was PETRIFIED standing in line for an hour before we got in. And I may or may not have ever let go of Rachel's shirt and it's possible that my face was burried in her shoulder for three-fourths of the journey through it. Haha. Butttt....it was a fun experience and once we got out I decided that "it wasn't all that bad" and I actually had a lot of fun! Halloween in Harrison means LOTS of decorations, candy, cooking (witches fingers, ghost cookies, kitty litter cake...just to name a few!), a party with close friends from church and the community, a cosutume contest, and sitting out on the porch fully dressed in scary costumes ready to give candy to the trick-or-treaters. We spent most of Friday night and Saturday dumpster diving, collecting supplies, designing, and creating our costume--tetris pieces. Saturday night was the party at the Mouser house and then off to another haunted house (a little more fun and not so scary the second time around!). And Sunday was sitting on the porch passing out candy. I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to doing it all over again this year! :)

Thanksgiving was different than normal...Usually Mema and Grandpa come to our house, but this year it was just Mema. Grandpa passed away on October 15th. I guess you could say it was somewhat expected because his body had been infected with cancer for a long time. But a death, no matter how expected or unexpected, is never easy. It took me two weeks before I fully came to grips with the fact that he was gone. And then the emotions came over me all over again the week of Thanksgiving. It was the little things that I wasn't prepared for, like looking over from the kitchen and seeing Dad and Mema sitting on the couch tearing the bread for the dressing. That was always Grandpa's job...he would sit at the table and work on it dilligently until it was finished. So that was hard, but good to be home with my family and spend that time with Mema. It's hard times like that, that bring you closer to people and strengthen your love for them.

Christmas break rolled around and, as usual, I was dreading it a little bit. Of course, I love the Christmas season and time with my family and friends from home, but a month away from my "home" and friends here always seems so long! It was a strange break for me as I realized how much I had changed over the semester. I went home drained and overall just really discouraged. I was confused about what was wrong and why the semester had been so hard for me. The days before Christmas were hard...I was just annoyed and frustrated feeling like I didn't have a "place" in Little Rock anymore. My friendships from home weren't the same, I wasn't the same, and even my relationships with my family members weren't the same. After Christmas I was blessed to talk over lunch with my precious best friend and mentor, Krista Spoon, and then to get coffee with my parents. Both of those times were very eye-opening to me and I realized that I had lost myself trying to fit a mold and be someone I wasn't. Not really anything big, just stupid stuff. I spent some time in prayer and just thinking over things and was so relieved to just give my life back over to Jesus and re-prioritize my time and what really meant the most to me in life.

I got to spend New Years Eve in Harrison and at the river house with Kiwi, Jilliann, Rach, Tordawg, and Callie (who had decided by then that she was transferring from Bryan to Tech!!). Originally, I was supposed to be in India on a mission trip over New Years, but God had other plans for that trip and all of us planning to go on it. After a few days in Harrison I went back home for a few days of packing up and then back to school.....FINALLY! (I really do love school, Russellville, my church, and my friends here if you can't tell!)

Classes this semester were a little easier for me. Not easy...but easier, which I have been very thankful for! :) I feel like the first two months were spent counting down the days to spring break a little bit. haha. We didn't know what we were going to do but the five of us girls knew we all wanted to go somewhere together! We decided less than two weeks before the break that we were going to take a little road trip to Destin, FL. Four days on the beach and two in the car with four of my best friends made for wonderful break from the cold and dreary Arkansas weather. We made it back safe and sound with lots of funny memories and good times that I will never forget.

After a week back at school we headed out the very next Friday to Ft. Worth, TX for the Passion Conference. It was a 3 day conference for 18-25 year olds. John Piper, Louie Giglio, and Francis Chan were the speakers and worship was led by Chris Tomlin, Christy Nockles, David Crowder Band, Charlie Hall, and there was a surprise appearance by Lecrae (which I may or may not have freaked out about....to say the least! haha). God turned my world upside down in these three days!! He showed me things in my life that I needed to change that I didn't even realize about myself. I got to experience worship with 10,000 other Christ followers my age, with hands raised toward the heavens, singing to our Savior and welcoming Him to "rain down on us". I was blessed to be able to grow closer to five of my very best friends in a way that we had never grown before because it was through our love for Christ and our desire to follow Him and be used by Him to make more Christ followers.

We came back to school with a passion and a fire for spreading the great news and wanting everyone we know to "get it" as Louie Giglio kept putting it--not just knowing the truth but getting the truth and living it out! The Lord gave us the idea of starting a prayer movement at school, so the night we got back we started spreading the word that we were going to meet on the third floor balcony of the school library at 11:11 p.m. to pray for our campus. The first week we ranged from 8-18 students holding hands and lifting our voices out loud all at once to our Savior begging for lives to be changed and for Him to use us and move through us. We continued it through the rest of the semester (weather permitting), and although it has moved to the sidewalk behind the library and we have fewer people, it has been a consistant few and a sweet time to stop, come together, and end our busy days with a time to re-focus our hearts on our most important mission at school!

I ended my semester with a trip to Harrison this past week for five days of just chillin' and hanging out with the girls.....except Tori who didn't end up getting to come. :-( We spent time at the river swimming, fishing, and catching crawdads; hiked; stayed up late watching movies; slept in till we couldn't sleep anymore; made dinner together; had an evening of "name that hymn" with Rachel's mom on the piano with the electricity out; and even made it to an awards ceremony for Zac (Rachel's brother)! Overall, it was a fun week and I was thankful for the sweet time with friends before summer started and we got busy with working. The year was a good one. There were ups and downs, as usual, and I'm thankful for all of them and what I learned through it all. :)

Constant Dripping

This morning as I woke up to yet another day of rain, I was thinking about it and God brought to my mind Proverbs 27:15. It says, "A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike." I looked up the word contentious in the dictionary and it says, "likely to cause disagreement or argument". My John MacArthur Study Bible has a note about this verse and also Proverbs 19:13 (which talks about the same thing) which says, "An obstinate, argumentative woman is literally like a leak so unrelenting that one has to run from it or go mad.

These past few weeks have been filled with more than enough rain to make me understand the concept on "a constant dripping"! We've had a constant dripping for weeks! There have been a few days of sunshine every now and then but for the most part it's been a continual, steady rain. You can't get away from it and like my study Bible was talking about, there have been some days when I thought I was going to go mad! It just gets old and it's always there. I try to go outside and walk to class or church or whatever my plans are for the day and the rain is there to get in the way. It's a hassle and it's annoying.

So think about that this morning as you're walking to class in the rain or driving to work or whatever the Lord has you doing on this rainy day. What kind of woman (or man) are you? Are you always picking an argument? Do you regularly cause disagreement? Ultimately are your thoughts consumed with you and your life and what's best for you? Or are you seeking the desires and intrests of others first? Are you "a constant dripping"?

Losing Myself

Do you ever think back on your life and how you used to dress, what you used to love, your favorite music, favorite movies, favorite things to do? This week I've been thinking a lot about just how I used to be, how I've changed, and who I am now. I used to love to listen to Josh Groban, Charlotte Church, soundtracks from musicals like Wicked and Phantom of the Opera. My favorite movies were Beauty and the Beast, Peter Pan, Pirates of the Carribean, and Pride and Prejudice. I watched these on a weekly or monthly basis at the very least! I might have been a teenager, but I was DETERMINED that I would never grow up! haha. I loved "love", musicals, "happily ever after", and the thought of being a princess and finding my perfect prince someday. I obviously knew that life wasn't "perfect" in that sense, but I was perfectly ok with watching sappy love stories and for that hour and a half I put myself in the movie and I was actually Belle or Wendy or Elizabeth Swann or Elizabeth Bennett.

I grew up playing make believe. It was my favorite thing in the world to do and I could entertain myself for hours doing it! I don't even know if my mom ever realized how much I did it. (Or maybe she was watching me through my cracked bedroom door all along! haha.) But I really did. I would go into my bedroom, shut the door, and make up some new life for myself and sometimes my "life" would go on for weeks every afternoon in my bedroom! I used to be so creative and imaginative. I miss that.

Now, as much as I never wanted to I feel like I've actually started to grow up...it's like when Wendy grows up in the sequel to Peter Pan and forgets how to be a kid until her daughter Jane goes to Neverland and meets Peter Pan. Haha. It's ok if you want to laugh at me referring to Peter Pan in a blog as a 20 year old! lol. I love my life now, but sometimes I just have these days when I remember all those fun memories of being a kid when life was carefree and I could fade away in to a pretend world where life was exactly what I wanted it to be. I miss being able to just let my thoughts and fantasies travel where they wanted to go and carry me off with them. It sounds ridiculous, but it's a big part of who I was!!

I used to love to paint too. I loved to turn instrumental music on from my favorite sountracks and close my eyes and think about the movie and the paint what came to mind. It was so much fun to me to put my thoughts and creativity on paper. It didn't always come out how it was in my mind exactly buttttt it was fun anyway! haha .

I don't really know what got me thinking about all of this or where it came from. I guess I just was looking through my ipod and thinking of all the stuff I never listen to anymore just cuz a lot of it is stuff that most of my friends here wouldn't love or have fun with the way I do. And as I was thinking back on all of this I just felt overwhelmed by this huge part of me that I feel like I've lost! All of this stuff such a big part of me and who I am....or was. I have this little part inside of me that is just so creative and I haven't let it stir in so long! I've quit painting and playing the piano and writing poems. I guess when I didn't have time for everything anymore that's what I let go of. And it's kinda just scared me a little maybe? I just had a small panic attack that I had lost "Katie"....if that makes any sense.

It's just one part of me though and I have become more open minded to so many new things as well. I've learned to love so much that I just never knew about or was too afraid to try or experience (like turkey hunting! haha). I've embraced meeting new people and making new friends. I've streteched myself since I came to school and I'm VERY thankful to God for growing me in that way.

It's funny because those things aren't really the things that should define me as a believer, but in a way I've let them define me. No matter what earthly and temporary things I love Jesus stays the same ALWAYS! And as long as He is my focus I should never be able to "lose myself". No matter what movies or music I love, no matter what activites I love to do, no matter how I "let my creative juices flow" my Savior and my purpose in life never changes! EVER!! How cool is that??! People around me will change. What I love will change. I will change. Where I live will change. How I dress will change. But GOD NEVER CHANGES!! And ultimately, if my life is rooted in Him, then in a way, I can't change either.

I realize that this post is random and all over the place. Honestly, it's kinda just me thinking outloud...but I feel better finally putting all my thoughts into words and in one place altogether. :) So...I'm sorry for being all over the place this afternoon, butttttt that's just how I am sometimes! :)