God of This City

God of This City

Chris Tomlin

You're the God of this City

You're the King of these people

You're the Lord of this nation

You are.

You the light in this darkness

You're the hope to the hopeless

You're the peace to the restless

You are.

There is no one like our God.

There is no one like our God.

For greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this city

Greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this city.

Greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this city.

Greater things have yet to come.

And greater things are still to be done HERE!

Seeking God

This past Sunday Pastor Quinn taught a sermon about seeking after God. Let's just say it was exactly what this girl needed to hear!! This past semester I have been far from God. I just didn't take time to stop and listen to what He had to say to me. And what's worse than that is that I didn't want to stop and listen. I just didn't have that desire anymore. I've gone through times where I've felt sucked dry spiritually. I've been through times of being discouraged and feeling like I've failed. But I've never been through a time since I became a believer that I just plain didn't care that my desire to follow after Him was gone. I was tired from life and school and tired of just barely holding my head above water so I let go of the one thing that keeps my head above water--Sweet Jesus! Makes perfect sense right?! It amazes me how stupid I can be!!!

As the semester went on and got harder I spent less and less time in the Word and in sweet conversation with my Savior. And as a result, I started to conform to the ways of the world rather than fighting against them. It wasn't anything huge, just small things that added up. But often times the little things make a BIG difference! And neglecting the "little things" (which aren't little at all!) such as studying the Word, talking to Jesus, listening to what He has to say back, taking time to be by myself to journal and think and evaluate my life, turned me into a selfish, lazy, rude, overwhelmed, and completely exhausted person! I made myself miserable!!

As I've been home over the break I've had time to look back over the past few months and see how different I've really become. Looking at who I was at the end of the summer and what I made time for and what my highest priorities were then and what all of that has changed to now, is a little bit scary to me! What seemed like little changes, such as adding "sucks" to my vocabulary or listening to more "secular" music than Christian music added up to more than just lifestyle changes. Ultimately they became heart changes. My heart became more calloused. I got this attitude of not wanting to be told what to do or how to live. I wanted to to do things "just because I can!" That's a dangerous place to be! And to me what's even more dangerous is how I got there! Because in my opinion, saying the word "sucks" does not make you a rebellious person. And "secular" music isn't necessarily bad music! John Mayer is and always will be one of my favorite artists! I will always be a country music girl! But because music is such a huge part of my life it influences how I think a lot without me even realizing it. And it's not what I don't need to hear as much as it is what I do need to hear! I need to be reminded of my sin daily. I need to be reminded of Christ's sacrifice on the cross! So those thins that seemed like no big deal at the time really added up and made a difference in my life.

I guess my reason for posting all of this so openly on here is so that any of you who read this can hold me accountable!! I need it! I have been convicted and encouraged by teachers, leaders, family, and friends around me since I've been home and I'm eager to get back to school this semester and make up for lost time! I'm ready to be back there and look at others and how I can make a difference in the lives of those around me. I'm ready to be a blessing rather than a curse! And I'm so so thankful that Jesus Christ still loves me even through days of rebellion, ugliness, sin, and all of this nastiness in my heart!! He is sooo good to bring me back to Him and remind me how much I need Him!!

(Notes and thoughts from Sunday's sermon to come later!!)

Blessings!! :)

Not Forgotten...

I promise I haven't forgotten about blogging!! It's just been a busy week. I've had lots going on. Wonderful things actually! I've spent fun times with some friends and sweet times of talking and encouragement with others and lots of family time too. I've been thinking A LOT over these past few days and I've had things that I've wanted to write about since the wonderful (and super convicting) sermon Pastor Quinn taught Sunday!! I just haven't gotten around to it yet. Tomorrow is another loooong day, but I'm hoping to sit down and write tomorrow night! :)

Just sayin'...

Trying to restart

Today has not exactly been the fresh start to my knew year that I was hoping for. I stayed up much later than planned last night (having fun with friends of course), and as a result, got up much later than planned this morning. Since waking up I have done basically nothing. I'm still sitting around in sweatpants trying (and failing) to motivate myself to do something!

My life has been non-stop since last semester began. The semester was busy and the break has been busy. I move back to school a week from today and I am determined that I will start out and finish up this next semester SO differently than I did the last one! I want to start out putting my best foot forward with classes and getting the best possible grades while it's easiest to do that. And I want to finish well, rather than having to kill myself at the end to just barely make the grades I need. I want to excel in school, not just pass.

I want to spend more time with my Savior--time reading, praying, listening, and growing. I want Him to be my priority! Last semester He wasn't. And I honestly believe that was my biggest problem! I was trying to do everything by myself and in my strength. I have discovered that I am weak. I can't do everything on my own. I fail at life when I try to do it apart from Him who strengthens me. I want to start out knowing my memory verses for Flame and not just knowing them for the week...I want to really memorize my verses and know them from the roots of my heart and not just the surface of my mind.

I want to become selfless. Last semester I focused so much on myself. I did go through some hard things...really hard things actually. I struggled. But just because I was struggling didn't give me the right to focus on myself! If I had stopped to take the time to look around I'm sure I would have seen other people near me who were struggling just as much or maybe even more than me. And more than likely many of those people didn't have the hope in Christ that I have to carry me through the hard times. They needed encouragement more than I did and I never stopped to be that encouragement. I want to learn to give of myself until I'm completely empty and then return to Christ and only Christ to fill me up again. I'm not good at this, but I want to learn to be.

I have so many thoughts, goals, and ideas in the back of my mind....so much I want to change....so many ways I want to grow.....and only one week before school starts to get it all together. Better get started!

To My Future Husband

Tonight Laura and I made "To My Future Husband" boxes!! Well....hers didn't really turn out how she wanted so she took the supplies home to make hers later but I finished mine and I LOVE it!!!!! I'm so so excited and I just couldn't wait to take picture of it and get them up on here to share! :)

What exactly is a "To My Future Husband" box, you might ask?! It is a box just for my perfect man (whom I may or may not have met yet...I actually don't know who he is! lol.) that I hope to marry someday in the (hopefully near-ish) future! :) I want to fill it with thoughts about how I'm growing as a girl who's always aspired to be a "Proverbs 31 Woman", thoughts on what I hope he will be like, how I hope to be treated, things I fear about marriage, ideas that I think would be fun for dates or vacations, verses or quotes or poems or songs, funny things that happen to me, and whatever else I can think of that I want to share with my future husband someday! I want to give him the box after our wedding and go through it with him. I guess it's just a way for me to be able to put these things down on paper when they come to me. I love to blog (obviously!), journal, write....anything that allows me to be able to see my feelings, thoughts, and ideas on paper! And I'm reeeally big on memories and pictures and things that enable me to, in a way, capture or bottle up time and keep it as a memory! I just think it will be a neat thing to be able to share with my husband someday and see how God brought certain events together or caused certain things to happen to bring the two of us together.....kinda my journey and story of how God brought me to my man!!! :)

(Side note: I'm not saying that I know for sure that I will get married someday! Yes, I hope to! Yes, I want to! I want to meet a man that I love dearly and can spend the rest of my life. I want to have kids..LOTS of them actually!! :] I want all of that and I'm praying for it, but it may not be what God has for me. So in a way this is a "hope box", but if I do get married I know I will be so happy to be able to share this with "him". So I figured I might as well!! Just needed to explain that this whole blog post is based on a "Lord willing"....as everything should be....I've become more and more sensitive to that recently, especially after this whole India thing!)

Now, back to the box.....Here are my pictures!!! Enjoy!!! :)

He Knows Best

Well.....when I left my house at 11:00 this morning I was prepared for God to show me His ways and teach me according to His will and His plan. He did! Just not in the way that I thought He would. According to our plan we should have checked our bags in at 11:50. According to our plan we should have boarded the plane not too long ago. According to our plan our flight should be taking off in four minutes. According to our plan we should be heading to India RIGHT NOW! But....not according to God's plan!

This morning India announced a terrorist alert. Apparently last night four terrorists from Pakistan entered into India and have made threats to attack major tourist cities on New Years Eve. Goa is one of those major cities. On the way to the airport we got a phone call and I found out that Laura's parents were pulling her from the trip. Her dad is an FBI agent and said it wasn't safe. So we thought, as we were 10 minutes from the airport, that I was about to have to make a decision about whether or not I was going to go. I didn't know what to do. I've had a nervous feeling about this trip in my stomach all morning. I just figured it was because it's my first international trip and I hate flying and all that jazz. So I didn't think much of it other than, "I'm going on this trip because this is what God has for me and I need to trust Him with my fears. He is in control, not me." And that's what I was doing. I got to the airport not knowing exactly what I was going to do, but thinking I would have to make the decision soon. Pastor Murray walked up a few minutes later without his suitcases and said the trip was cancelled. They talked to Mr. Mitchell about all the details and at first we were going to make our own decisions individually and see who all still wanted to go. But the elders of our church talked about it and we talked with the P's (the family in India that is from our church) and the elders decided it was best to call the trip off. It was a hard decision, but it's not necessarily being there that is so dangerous as much as just the travelling aspect of it.

I'm sad not to be going. I was definitely looking forward to it and getting excited about it. But at the same time I know God knows best and His plan is the best for me. He has a reason for all of this happening and it is in His mighty hands. The saddest part for me is thinking of all the families that we don't get to minister to anymore. It's sad to think about their disappointment when they find out we aren't coming and for the P's who I know were so looking forward to seeing part of their church family. Pray for them as they are still hosting this conference without us. Pray for strength and understanding and trust for them. Pray that it will still be a time of encouragement for all the families and that they will still be able to minister to and encourage each other. Pray for the hearts of our team members as we stay here and trust that we made the right decision. Pray for the hearts of the terrorists and the people who are stirring up trouble. Pray that God will protect the people in Goa and the other big cities that are being targeted. Pray that even though we hope this was a wise decision, that nothing will actually happen! I don't know what God's plan is in all of this. I don't know why He would have this happen. But I do know that He is good and He loves us and cares for us.

"For we know that all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purposes."

--Romans 8:28

All Packed!

I'm all packed up and ready to go!! I've spent the morning double and triple checking to make sure everything is together and I have all the important things. My suitcase weighed in at 43.8 pounds! Yeah baby!!! Mom is at Walgreens buying me one last thing and then heading here to pick us up! Sweet time with Callie and my family last night has made leaving today a bittersweet thing, but I'm excited to see what God has for me on this trip. Last semester was a hard one for me. I went through some hard stuff and just felt far from God in general. I didn't spend enough time in the word or in prayer. And I failed to stop and just listen to what God had to say to me. Over the break I have realized more and more how little I turned to Him over the past few months and how much it affected my life. I'm looking forward to these 12 days with no cell phone, very little internet, and only a couple of close friends with me. I'm praying that God takes this heart of mine and melts it with an overwhelming love and desire for Him and a realization that true satisfaction is found in Him alone. I'm praying that He "breaks my heart for what breaks His" and that He takes my selfishness and turns it into selfLESSness that I may be a part of furthering HIS kingdom and encouraging His disciples. Pray for safety and strength as we travel and even while we're there and that we will be used up for Him!! See you all when I get back, Lord willing!! :)