Seeking God

This past Sunday Pastor Quinn taught a sermon about seeking after God. Let's just say it was exactly what this girl needed to hear!! This past semester I have been far from God. I just didn't take time to stop and listen to what He had to say to me. And what's worse than that is that I didn't want to stop and listen. I just didn't have that desire anymore. I've gone through times where I've felt sucked dry spiritually. I've been through times of being discouraged and feeling like I've failed. But I've never been through a time since I became a believer that I just plain didn't care that my desire to follow after Him was gone. I was tired from life and school and tired of just barely holding my head above water so I let go of the one thing that keeps my head above water--Sweet Jesus! Makes perfect sense right?! It amazes me how stupid I can be!!!

As the semester went on and got harder I spent less and less time in the Word and in sweet conversation with my Savior. And as a result, I started to conform to the ways of the world rather than fighting against them. It wasn't anything huge, just small things that added up. But often times the little things make a BIG difference! And neglecting the "little things" (which aren't little at all!) such as studying the Word, talking to Jesus, listening to what He has to say back, taking time to be by myself to journal and think and evaluate my life, turned me into a selfish, lazy, rude, overwhelmed, and completely exhausted person! I made myself miserable!!

As I've been home over the break I've had time to look back over the past few months and see how different I've really become. Looking at who I was at the end of the summer and what I made time for and what my highest priorities were then and what all of that has changed to now, is a little bit scary to me! What seemed like little changes, such as adding "sucks" to my vocabulary or listening to more "secular" music than Christian music added up to more than just lifestyle changes. Ultimately they became heart changes. My heart became more calloused. I got this attitude of not wanting to be told what to do or how to live. I wanted to to do things "just because I can!" That's a dangerous place to be! And to me what's even more dangerous is how I got there! Because in my opinion, saying the word "sucks" does not make you a rebellious person. And "secular" music isn't necessarily bad music! John Mayer is and always will be one of my favorite artists! I will always be a country music girl! But because music is such a huge part of my life it influences how I think a lot without me even realizing it. And it's not what I don't need to hear as much as it is what I do need to hear! I need to be reminded of my sin daily. I need to be reminded of Christ's sacrifice on the cross! So those thins that seemed like no big deal at the time really added up and made a difference in my life.

I guess my reason for posting all of this so openly on here is so that any of you who read this can hold me accountable!! I need it! I have been convicted and encouraged by teachers, leaders, family, and friends around me since I've been home and I'm eager to get back to school this semester and make up for lost time! I'm ready to be back there and look at others and how I can make a difference in the lives of those around me. I'm ready to be a blessing rather than a curse! And I'm so so thankful that Jesus Christ still loves me even through days of rebellion, ugliness, sin, and all of this nastiness in my heart!! He is sooo good to bring me back to Him and remind me how much I need Him!!

(Notes and thoughts from Sunday's sermon to come later!!)

Blessings!! :)