Crazy Love

I really don't have much to say in this post except one thing.....

READ CRAZY LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is soooo good!! I'm almost finished with it and it's so moving, encouraging, convicting, and just all-together wonderful!! I have learned so much from it!! I pick it up and can't put it down. It's amazzzzzzing!! So go read it! :)

Love for the Lost

My heart is heavy tonight for the lost people of this world. Rachel, Tori, and I have just been chilling in my room not doing anything special (as usual)...just being with each other! :) We got to talking about our country and terrorism and stuff and Rach showed us this video of a terrorist on youtube. We talked about it for a little bit and maybe this is weird but the first emotion that I felt was not fear of what could happen to our country if we were to be attacked again like 9/11, but rather sorrow and a longing for the lost to know and believe the Way, the Truth, and the Life and the saving grace from God that I know and believe. It absolutely tears my heart apart to think that if we were to be attacked not only would physical lives be lost but many would be lost eternally.......we're talking FOREVER here people!!!! That's a long time. Longer than we can even comprehend. It's an overwhelming thought and at first my mind started running a million miles an hour..."There are so many lost people. I have to reach them. Where are they all?! Where do I begin? How to I tell them? I can't tell them all. Who else is going to tell them? Where are those people who are burdened in the same way I am?" So many thoughts...and then I realized....those people are right here!!! I am SURROUNDED my lost people!! Classmates, friends, professors, family members, strangers--I am presented with opportunities on a daily basis to share the love of Jesus with people and I pass right by those open doors! If I really want to make a difference what better time than now to do it? So anyway, that's where my heart is right now, burdened but motivated!

SO BLESSED!!

Tonight, I'm completely overwhelmed with all the blessings in my life!! My heart is so full....I feel like it could literally burst open. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but I can't help it. I am so blessed beyond what I ever could have imagined or deserved and I just want to list some of the things that I'm thankful for.

My mom--she encourages me and prays for me on a regular basis.
My dad--He is soooo wise and I pray that some day God will teach me to think like him.
My sisters--They are always there for me and two of my very best friends.
My brothers--We laugh together, play together, and joke a lot. They tease me; I whine. I tease them; they whine. It's fun! Oh and they're kinda sweet too! ;P

My friends--Gosh, I've been blessed! I can't even begin to list all of the people in my life who encourage me and love me on a daily basis.

My school--I LOVE Arkansas Tech University. I realize that part of why I love it so much is the people here, but I really do enjoy school for the most part and I'm blessed to have it paid for and to have professors and classes that I like.

First Baptist Church and Mark and Terri Palfreeman--I don't even have words to express how much this church and this sweet couple means to me!! They have encouraged me, taught me, loved me, and blessed me more than they will ever know! They are so quick to open their home to all of us students and give up their time for us. They are gifts from God!

Kids--Maybe this sounds like a funny thing to be thankful for...but goodness gracious I am!!!! Whether it's my brothers, the kids at camp, the kids in Jerez, the kids at church, or kids in the Walmart parking lot....they melt my heart. I have learned SO much from spending time with kids! They teach you without even meaning to. Such a blessing.

FUEL--I actually just got back from FUEL (our BCM worship service) and I never want it to end. Can we just worship Jesus all day every day, non-stop??! You bet we can....IN HEAVEN!!!! Ahhh!! :) I can't wait!!!!

I could go on an on about this, but I'll stop now. I'm also blessed to have a super comfy bed and I can't wait to get in it! lol. Class tomorrow and I WILL have a good attitude about it! Goodnight world!

Fear God

"Guard your steps as you go to the house of God and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for they do not know they are doing evil. Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and you are on the earth; therefore let your words be few. For the dream comes through much effort and the voice of a fool through many words. When you make a vow to God, do not be late in paying it; for He takes no delight in fools. Pay what you vow! It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Do not let your speech cause you to sin and do not say in the presence of the messenger of God that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry on account of your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For in many dreams and in many words there is emptiness. Rather, fear God."

Ecclesiastes 5:1-7

Recently, I've felt like the Holy Spirit has been pressing on my heart for me to really examine my heart and evaluate what it is that I'm seeking after. What do I desire? What do I long for? Last week at church Mark said, "What you want determines what you will be." What is it that I'm seeking after? Because that is going to determine my character! Am I seeking after God or this world?

Sadly, I would have to say that in the past few months, if I'm being honest with myself, my answer would have to be the world. I don't want to say that after this semester. When Mark made that statement last week it hit me hard. I wrote it down and it's been pressing on my heart ever since then. And then this week he opened with this passage from Ecclesiastes. It's a pretty packed passage and I could probably go on and on about it for a while. But the main things that really stuck out to me were how it talks about fools. There are very specific instructions about how to avoid being a fool...not necesarily easy instructions to follow, but simple ones. 1. Guard your steps. 2. Draw near to listen. 3. Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought. 4. Let your words be few. All of these things are difficult to do, but so important and I think they are all things that I need to work on.

One last thing that I've struggled with my whole life is "Fear God."--two little words, but one big struggle! It's so easy for me to fear man, to care about what other people think about me, to want to please people...but why do I choose to care about what people think of me rather than what God thinks of me? God is my Creator. He is my Judge. He is my Savior. He is all-knowing. He is my King. He is my Healer. He is my Fortress. He is my Protection. God loves me more than anyone else possibly could and I am on this earth for His service!! So my perspective should be that nothing else in this earth matters in comparision to Him and what He thinks. But that isn't my perpective. That's not how I look at things. But I'm praying that He will teach me to think and to live in that mindset and not only that, but to believe that it's true!

Discipline

I literally have five minutes till I have to leave for class, but I wanted to share what God's laid on my heart this morning. Laura and I got up and went running for the first time this semester. It was cold, I was tired, and I didn't want to get out of bed! But it was worth it!!! We alternated walking and jogging and made it the full 30 minutes and we didn't freeze to death. Running is one of those things that I never want to do and it's a battle to get myself to go. I know it's good for me and I'll feel so much better if I do it. I know it's in my best interest. But I always think I'm going to hate it and I dread doing it, and then after I finish I always wonder why I dread it so much. It's never as bad as I work it up to be in my head and I always feel amazing when I finish!

After running and breakfast I came back to my room and spent a some time in the Word. I read Proverbs 19 and it talks multiple times about discipline.

Verse 16--"He who keeps the commandment keeps his sold, but he who is careless of conduct will die."

Verse 20--"LIsten to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days."

Verse 27--"Cease listening, my son, to discipline, and you will stray from the words of knowledge."

In the same way that I have to be disciplined to run I need to be disciplined with school and spending time in the word and being a good friend and family member and spending money. Discipline applies to every aspect of my life and it's something I'm NOT good at!! But God's Word speaks directly about it, so I'm making it a goal of mine to become more disciplined in every area of my life this semester.

God, teach me to be disciplined!!

Breathin' to Death

I've been listening to Lecrae this afternoon. I didn't used to be real big on rap and even when I learned to like it I really wasn't a fan of Christian rappers. I just didn't think they could even compare to secular rappers! Every time Rebekah gets iTunes money she can't help buying at least one new Christian rap song...and usually it's more than one! haha. So I've listened to it on occasion just because it's on my ipod and now I LOVE it! The lyrics can pierce my heart like a scalpel!!! Lecrae's lyrics are filled with scripture and straightforward truths that I need to hear. Right now, most of the Hughes girls are either in class or at FROGS so I have a little bit of time that I'm just spending in my room by myself and I decided it was time for some Lecrae! :) First song that came on was "Breathin' to Death" from their Rebel CD. You know how I said earlier that their lyrics can pierce like a scalpel?? This song is a perfect example! Let me share some of the lyrics with you.....

(Verse 1)

I said I'd never leave you, but I'm so left

I aint right Lord, I'm sleeping with death

I'm cheating with death. I'm deaf, it's like I don't hear You

I say I'm a Christian, but it's like I don't fear You

I'm on a selfish island and I'm no where near You

God I really need you even though I don't appear to

I'm drinking out a broken cistern

That could never hold water and I'm gonna get burned

Though I try I never satisfy or quench this yearn

I hear you calling but it's like a fight for me to just turn

Lord I deserve to burn

(Chorus)

Help me Lord before there's no time left

I aint livin' I'm just breathin' to death

Your ways are perfect and they lead me to rest

Mine are evil and they lead me to death

(Verse 3)

I know I tell lies I know I do dirt

Apart from You I'm nothing, but you can give me worth

I don't know if I know you, but still I know I should

I know the days are evil and only You are good

I've come to this conclusion, I would like to change

Cause all the world's money and fame cannot sustain

I know that I should turn back, but that's the hardest thing

Cause do I really feel that having Jesus is my gain?

The world is so tempting, Satan is a beast

He hypnotizes my eyes to say the least

But Jesus be my treasure, to know you is to live

And I am here dying trying everything there is

All I need here is You, help me turn away from sin

Lord give me grace to turn away and the fear not to give in

I know that I'm not perfect, but if I could rest in Him

I know I don't deserve it, but still I'll take Your hand

Lord let me take Your hand

Now......time to pray!! A lot!! :)

Getting Down To Business

Well, I'm officially back at school!! I got here yesterday and "moved" in...as in got it all into my room. haha. And today I rearranged furniature and finished really getting settled. It was SO good to sleep in my comfy bed again last night! I've missed it. Got to spend the day with friends that I haven't spent time with in so long which was such a blessing. I've eaten in the caf twice so far and in Doc's once. The caf hasn't changed since last semester.....it's still not my momma's cookin' but it's also still lots of fun! :) It's so good to be back here!! This feels like home and I'm so thankful that I love it this much and that I didn't dread coming back. But now that I'm back it's time to take all of my goals and plans for change and make them actually happen. It's time to buckle down, be responsible, and press on toward the goal! Not sure I'm reeeally ready for this, but I'm going to pray my way through it and rely on my Jesus for the strength to do it! Here we go!!

Heart Surgery

"But if, while seeking to be justified in Christ, we ourselves have also been found sinners, is Christ then a minister of sin? May it never be! For if I rebuild what I have once destroyed, I prove myself to be a transgressor. For through the Law I died to the Law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly."

--Galatians 2:17-21

As I've been thinking about my character and who I am and who I've become I've really been evaluating if I am viewed by people the way that I really want to be viewed. If I died tomorrow what would be said about me at my funeral? Would people have to struggle to come up with good things to say about me? Or worse...would they have to lie about good things to say about me because there aren't really any truthfully good things to say?

If I die tomorrow I want people to say "She was selfless. She was a good friend. She treated others how she wanted to be treated. She didn't gossip. She didn't spread rumors or even truths about others. She loved everyone and really loved them without faking it. She was kind. She was compassionate. She was crazy about her Savior! She talked about Him with a passion and a fire that was contagious. She didn't only talk about her Savior and His great love though. She did something about it. She was a servant. She had the heart of a servant and it showed through her actions. She put others first and was always looking out for the needs of others. She loved graciously. She made a difference. She worked hard. She worked diligently. She pursued a relationship with Christ and pressed hard toward the goal of living for Him. She was genuine. She was real with everyone she crossed paths with. She was a godly woman."

I don't believe that if I die tomorrow those things will be said about me. And if they are...someone's lying!! Because all of those things most definitely aren't true of me! But I want them to be!! And I'm praying for help that God will show me how to make them true and then give me His strength to do it.

Tonight, I watched last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy. I LOVE medical shows and I'm completely fascinated by surgeries. On this episode two of the surgeons preformed a heart surgery on a guy who had been shot through the heart with a bullet. It was brutal and at first it didn't look like he was going to make it. A bullet through the heart is obviously life threatening and often fatal. But when a good surgeon works on the heart the that person's fate can change.

I feel like I've been shot through the heart with a bullet--a bullet of sin. I know I was born with it, but recently I've struggled with it more than before. The Lord showed me my desperate need for a physician and I want the ultimate Surgeon to preform a heart surgery on my sinful, wicked heart! And I believe He's already started. He's at least taken the scalpel and made the first slice. And that's the first step to a long process of detailed and precise movements and changes and a slow but steady road to recovery. It may start out slow and it may take a long time, but I want this heart of mine to change. I want to be the person God has called me to be. And I want people to not see me, but see Christ shining through me.

I'm ready for surgery.

A Stretched Out Heart

I'm being reminded this morning of how stretched out my heart really is! I was looking through old pictures (and some not so old ones) and realizing how much I love so many different places simply because of the sweet kids I've become close to there! I have kids from camp, Mexico, Honduras, New Mexico, Little Rock, Russellville, and more places that I love so very much and miss like CRAZY!! My heart literally aches physically to be back with them! To see them again. To Hug them. To talk with them. To encourage them. To love them. I miss them and I just wanted to post a few pictures of some of "my babies"....most of which aren't really babies anymore, but some of them I have known that long! I love and miss them...

Christ's Compassion

I read this link about "God of This City" after Miss Jennifer commented on my last post. I expected a cool story, but this is more than just a cool story! It amazes me how God moves and works and so often we don't even know that He's moving and working!! It's crazy to think of how much I do see Him change and the hard hearts that He can melt. I've seen Him turn people around that I had begun to lose hope for--people that I had prayed about for year, kids whose lives were going to be difficult for them if they professed Christ. He has done so much right before my eyes to show me His greatness and His ability to change the hearts of people. But I know there's so much more that He has done and is doing that I don't know about. He has plans for greatness and for amazing change. He knows what is to come in my life and how much longer my life will be. He knows what struggles lie ahead of me. He knows where I will fail and where I will fall on my face and not know what to do apart from simply asking for His guidance. He knows my whole entire life and the lives of everyone else on this earth and He has a unique plan for each individual that is perfect in every way for His glory!! How incredible is that?! And what is even more incredible to me is that I feel like He has allowed me to see so much!! He has shown me so many different situations where His gospel has changed people and even some that I was privileged to be the deliverer of the gospel and He allowed me to be encouraged by seeing the fruit of my labor! And how much more of that is He doing behind the scenes that I have never and will never see! It's just crazy to think about God being all knowing and all wise! And I'm not sure why that's what I got out of reading this story, but it just made me think of how He has a plan for everything and even though these guys may not ever see how they impacted even one person's life on this trip they could have been God's tool to change one person who may grow up to proclaim the gospel to His country and lead many others to Christ! We just never know how God may use us! All we know is that we have been told to go and preach the gospel and if we are obedient He will use that for His glory in whatever way He pleases!! So go read this!! :)

http://www.titletrakk.com/music-interviews/bluetree-story-beyond-the-song-feature.htm

God of This City

God of This City

Chris Tomlin

You're the God of this City

You're the King of these people

You're the Lord of this nation

You are.

You the light in this darkness

You're the hope to the hopeless

You're the peace to the restless

You are.

There is no one like our God.

There is no one like our God.

For greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this city

Greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this city.

Greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this city.

Greater things have yet to come.

And greater things are still to be done HERE!

Seeking God

This past Sunday Pastor Quinn taught a sermon about seeking after God. Let's just say it was exactly what this girl needed to hear!! This past semester I have been far from God. I just didn't take time to stop and listen to what He had to say to me. And what's worse than that is that I didn't want to stop and listen. I just didn't have that desire anymore. I've gone through times where I've felt sucked dry spiritually. I've been through times of being discouraged and feeling like I've failed. But I've never been through a time since I became a believer that I just plain didn't care that my desire to follow after Him was gone. I was tired from life and school and tired of just barely holding my head above water so I let go of the one thing that keeps my head above water--Sweet Jesus! Makes perfect sense right?! It amazes me how stupid I can be!!!

As the semester went on and got harder I spent less and less time in the Word and in sweet conversation with my Savior. And as a result, I started to conform to the ways of the world rather than fighting against them. It wasn't anything huge, just small things that added up. But often times the little things make a BIG difference! And neglecting the "little things" (which aren't little at all!) such as studying the Word, talking to Jesus, listening to what He has to say back, taking time to be by myself to journal and think and evaluate my life, turned me into a selfish, lazy, rude, overwhelmed, and completely exhausted person! I made myself miserable!!

As I've been home over the break I've had time to look back over the past few months and see how different I've really become. Looking at who I was at the end of the summer and what I made time for and what my highest priorities were then and what all of that has changed to now, is a little bit scary to me! What seemed like little changes, such as adding "sucks" to my vocabulary or listening to more "secular" music than Christian music added up to more than just lifestyle changes. Ultimately they became heart changes. My heart became more calloused. I got this attitude of not wanting to be told what to do or how to live. I wanted to to do things "just because I can!" That's a dangerous place to be! And to me what's even more dangerous is how I got there! Because in my opinion, saying the word "sucks" does not make you a rebellious person. And "secular" music isn't necessarily bad music! John Mayer is and always will be one of my favorite artists! I will always be a country music girl! But because music is such a huge part of my life it influences how I think a lot without me even realizing it. And it's not what I don't need to hear as much as it is what I do need to hear! I need to be reminded of my sin daily. I need to be reminded of Christ's sacrifice on the cross! So those thins that seemed like no big deal at the time really added up and made a difference in my life.

I guess my reason for posting all of this so openly on here is so that any of you who read this can hold me accountable!! I need it! I have been convicted and encouraged by teachers, leaders, family, and friends around me since I've been home and I'm eager to get back to school this semester and make up for lost time! I'm ready to be back there and look at others and how I can make a difference in the lives of those around me. I'm ready to be a blessing rather than a curse! And I'm so so thankful that Jesus Christ still loves me even through days of rebellion, ugliness, sin, and all of this nastiness in my heart!! He is sooo good to bring me back to Him and remind me how much I need Him!!

(Notes and thoughts from Sunday's sermon to come later!!)

Blessings!! :)

Not Forgotten...

I promise I haven't forgotten about blogging!! It's just been a busy week. I've had lots going on. Wonderful things actually! I've spent fun times with some friends and sweet times of talking and encouragement with others and lots of family time too. I've been thinking A LOT over these past few days and I've had things that I've wanted to write about since the wonderful (and super convicting) sermon Pastor Quinn taught Sunday!! I just haven't gotten around to it yet. Tomorrow is another loooong day, but I'm hoping to sit down and write tomorrow night! :)

Just sayin'...

Trying to restart

Today has not exactly been the fresh start to my knew year that I was hoping for. I stayed up much later than planned last night (having fun with friends of course), and as a result, got up much later than planned this morning. Since waking up I have done basically nothing. I'm still sitting around in sweatpants trying (and failing) to motivate myself to do something!

My life has been non-stop since last semester began. The semester was busy and the break has been busy. I move back to school a week from today and I am determined that I will start out and finish up this next semester SO differently than I did the last one! I want to start out putting my best foot forward with classes and getting the best possible grades while it's easiest to do that. And I want to finish well, rather than having to kill myself at the end to just barely make the grades I need. I want to excel in school, not just pass.

I want to spend more time with my Savior--time reading, praying, listening, and growing. I want Him to be my priority! Last semester He wasn't. And I honestly believe that was my biggest problem! I was trying to do everything by myself and in my strength. I have discovered that I am weak. I can't do everything on my own. I fail at life when I try to do it apart from Him who strengthens me. I want to start out knowing my memory verses for Flame and not just knowing them for the week...I want to really memorize my verses and know them from the roots of my heart and not just the surface of my mind.

I want to become selfless. Last semester I focused so much on myself. I did go through some hard things...really hard things actually. I struggled. But just because I was struggling didn't give me the right to focus on myself! If I had stopped to take the time to look around I'm sure I would have seen other people near me who were struggling just as much or maybe even more than me. And more than likely many of those people didn't have the hope in Christ that I have to carry me through the hard times. They needed encouragement more than I did and I never stopped to be that encouragement. I want to learn to give of myself until I'm completely empty and then return to Christ and only Christ to fill me up again. I'm not good at this, but I want to learn to be.

I have so many thoughts, goals, and ideas in the back of my mind....so much I want to change....so many ways I want to grow.....and only one week before school starts to get it all together. Better get started!