I've had a few friends do this, so of course, I felt the need to do it too! :)

Ten things I wish I could say to ten different people:
1. You have taught me more than I realized. Sometimes I don't understand your reasons behind doing or saying certain things, but looking back I can see how God has used you in my life. You will never know how much you mean to me.
2. Your passion for Jesus and spreading his gospel and his love to everyone you come in contact with inspires me. I've seen you cry simply because you just desire for others to know the love of Jesus that has been poured over you and it was truly touching.
3. My heart hurts for you. I see you hurting yourself and just wish I could stop you. I pray for you almost daily and hope that the Lord will use me in your life. I love you.
4. Recently we've gotten closer and it's been a blessing to my heart. You are a dear friend and your eagerness to dig into the Word and learn more has convicted and motivated me to be more excited about it too!
5. Sometimes I think you're too hard on yourself. You don't realize what a blessing you are to others and how much God uses you in the lives of those around you. You think you've failed in so many areas, but God uses us most when we are weak. I know He has used you in my life in more ways than you will EVER know!
6. You are the one person that God used the most to show me how off track I had gotten last semester. You weren't afraid to tell me what I needed to hear and I'm thankful for your loving boldness.
7. You are teaching me to be selfless. I often have to give up time, money, and my desires for you and it has grown me more in these past two years than I could ever have imagined. I think God has placed you in my life to prepare me to be a great mom someday. Thank you!
8. I miss you. You were one of my best friends and I miss seeing you every day. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time but I know this is where God has us both for a reason. You will always have a special place in my heart. I'll never forget you.
9. It's crazy how things can change so much in 10+ years. Thinking back on the days when we were little brings sweet memories to my mind, but it also places painful aches in my heart for you. I pray that God will put someone in your life to help you on this dangerous path you're going down. I'm scared for you.
10. You all captured my heart in just 10 days and I've never had all of it back since then. I wish more than anything that I could see you again, but I know that I might not ever get to this side of heaven. However, I also know that one day we will meet again, and what a happy day it will be! My heart is so happy when I think about your sweet testimonies that you are to your families. I love you more than you may ever know!

Nine things about myself:
1. I love kids more than I know how to express!!
2. I hate making decisions. I'm so bad at it.
3. I love to take pictures and be in them. I want to always capture every memory.
4. I've never been on a date. Not a single one. Ever. (P.S.--I'm 20 years old!!)
5. I could sing all day long and never get tired of it. I'm passionate about it.
6. If I could be in Jerez, Mexico right now I would be.
7. I love Camp Solgohachia!
8. I hate to fail or let people down more than just about anything.
9. I love shoes!! I would wear the same clothes every day if I could just have different shoes!

Eight ways to win my heart:
1. Bring me flowers--daisies, yellow roses, and sunflowers.
2. Love kids!
3. Write me notes--long or short, doesn't matter.
4. Talk to me. Just be honest. I need to know when I've upset you, as well as when you just can't stop smiling because of something you love about me.
5. Care about the things that mean the most to me. You don't have to love them like I do, just care about them because I do.
6. Be so focused on Jesus that He has to bring us together when we least expect it because you're too busy seeking Him to be seeking me.
7. Take the time to get to know and love my friends and family. They are so important to me and if you can't love them, I can't love you.
8. Be respectful to your mother, learn from your father, take care of your sisters, and be your brothers' best friend!

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:
1. How people view me--Do I display Jesus?
2. Friends and family who are stumbling down the wrong path.
3. Camp
4. Mexico
5. Everything I need to do better but never actually change.
6. Rayden
7. My future--husband, job, and kids.

Six things I do before I fall asleep:
1. Put chap stick and lotion on.
2. Turn my fan on high.
3. Pray.
4. Plug my phone in.
5. Turn on the TV--and the sleep timer.
6. Lock my door.

Five songs I listen to often:
1. You're Great Name-Natalie Grant
2. Dirt Road Anthem-Jason Aldean
3. Bleeding Love-Leona Lewis
4. Move If You Wanna--MIMS
5. Free Fallin'-John Mayer

Four things you're wearing right now:
1. Nike sweat pants
2. Razorback t-shirt
3. Tech sweatshirt
4. Red polka dot underwear

Three people that mean a lot to you (in no specific order):
1. Krista
2. My grandparents
3. Tracy Cochran

Two things you want to do before you die:
1. Go back to Jerez
2. Have a family

One confession:
1. I'm afraid of commitment. I'm scared to trust and be let down.

His Hands

For the past few weeks my heart has been burdened over what the Lord wants to use me for this summer. I have been blessed with two wonderful opportunities and no idea which one I should take! I've been invited to go back to Camp Solgohachia this summer to serve as a part of the full time summer staff and I have also been invited to be a part of a discipleship program here in Russellville called Vintage.

I worked at camp all summer last year and part time the two years before that. It's been a part of so many of my summers. God has used it in my life to teach me so much. I've formed sweet friendships there both with the kids and their leaders and also with the staff I've been blessed to work with. This camp holds a special place in my heart. It's a baby camp. It's not like War Eagle and Kanakuk. It's a much smaller scale camp and I love that about it because you really get to form deep and close relationships with the kids. But to me, it also takes hand picked people to work there because it's not gonna have the biggest pool or the most activites or the most high tech worship services. It's a little more old school. And I LOVE that about it!! It really brings out the "Jesus" in camp because you are surrounded by His creation and there are so many opportunities to talk and grow with the kids. My heart longs to be there and if I could spend my whole year there I would! I love it!!

Then there's Vintage. This is a discipleship program led by Mark Palfreeman, our college pastor at First Baptist Church of Russellville. Students who do Vintage will live in a hotel in Russellville for the month of June and then in the church for the part of July that we are here. During the day we can work or take classes at Tech and each night we have a different event. Sundays we have worship and Evangelism Training. Monday night is prayer night. Tuesday night we have inductive Bible study training. Wednesday nights are potluck and teaching/worship. Thursdays we have small group bible studies. Friday nights are free and Saturdays are a day to rest and revamp for the week. And then, in the middle of July we will be taking a mission trip. We have the option of going to Toronto or Kenya. I thought about doing this last summer but had already committed to camp and just couldn't even think about not going. So this summer I was really thinking about doing it, but I'm having a hard time tearing my heart away from camp.

So I would covet your prayers as I'm seeking what the Lord would have me do this summer and how He would have me serve Him. I know that neither choice will be a bad one. They are both wonderful opportunities, but at this point I don't know where I should be. So please pray with me! :)

Running in Circles

Do you ever get so frustrated for no real reason and you just don't know why you're frustrated??! It's the most annoying feeling in the world!! I'm there. I'm easily irritated. I get my feelings hurt easily. I'm moody. I'm frustrated all the time. I try to make everyone and myself happy and keep failing. I feel like I could cry but I'm too mad at myself to cry!! None of this makes any sense to me..at all!! I don't understand myself and it makes me so mad. How can I be irritated, annoyed, frustrated, or whatever and not have a reason for it?! I keep trying to figure out what's up and honestly the only thing that I can come up with is that there's not enough Jesus in my life.

I guess I've been so focused on myself and what I "want" and this world clearly doesn't satisfy. I'm not satisfied and I can't really pinpoint one specific thing or area that annoys me, but maybe that's just it. Maybe it's everything in this world that is bogging me down. I'm tired of school. I feel like I'm an AWFUL friend. I'm not a pleasant person to be around. I'm tired. I'm not taking care of my body. I feel like I've been running in circles and I've finally hit a wall.

Sunday is my 20th birthday and I'm praying that God will use these next two days to really work on my heart. New Years resolutions are starting to be forgotten. It's February now so it doesn't really feel like a "new year" as much anymore. But it's a "new year" for me! It's a new year of my life. It's a new chapter and a new beginning. I love the word "new"!! Absolutely LOVE it!! It's like a clean slate, a piece of white paper, freshly painted walls, never worn Nikes, a canvas that hasn't yet been painted. So if it kills me, I WILL take these next two days to read, pray, and seek what I need to change and how I can do that! And now that I got all of that off of my chest I feel better. Just wanted everyone what's coming!

Pushing Through

I got a text last night from Rebekah informing me that I haven't updated this in a while and she needs me to so she can stay up to date on my life! lol. So I guess this is me posting for her. I'm not really sure what I have to say that's very interesting. Today, has been a "bummer" kind-of day for me. I'm not really sure exactly why. You know when you have those days where your heart just feels heavy?? It's one of those. I guess I'm burdened and praying about a few things and still waiting on answers. That can get discouraging, but I'm hanging on to my Savior's love. He is good and He is by my side helping me.

Yesterday was a good day. I had a wonderful talk with a few friends. God has blessed with me with some very precious people in my life who have their hearts and their lives focused on Him. They are so good about seeing when their focus gets shifted and stopping to re-shift things. This just really encourages me because I feel like I'm in a "re-shifting" period of my life too and it's so good to know that they are going through similar struggles even if it's with different things. I'm thankful for people who are willing to come to me and say that they've messed up and they want to make it better. Gosh, my friends here are so wonderful!!! My thoughts are so scattered right now, but that's really the main theme throughout everything that I'm thinking. haha.

My birthday is Sunday and I CANNOT wait to go home this weekend!! Looks like I'll be spending a weekend with my family!! :) I'm so excited to see my wonderful friend/mentor Krista!! I'm excited to watch some volleyballlllll!! FINALLY!! And I am beyond ready to see Alyse!! Haven't seen her in weeks and I'm ready for overdue time spent with her! And don't even get me started on seeing my puppyyyyy!! Eeeeek!! I miss him!! SO MUCH!! Now, I'm just praying for pretty weather!! Hopefully a little warmer! lol.

So for now, this is just a little bit of an update till I come up with something else that I feel the need to share! haha. Great day yesterday. A little bit of a "bleh" day today, but still clinging to my Savior and the hope of a new day tomorrow. Oh and forgot to mention that Claire's coming to visit tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yaaaaay!!! :)