If you know me even a little you know that I love memories--making them, carefully recording them, and remeniscing over them. As this semester, and even more than that, my sophmore year of college comes to an end I find myself sorting through a multitude of memories that have flooded through my head these past few days. What a year it has been! People often talk about life being a roller coaster full of ups and downs and that is literally the best way I know to describe this year. I have found myself at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, at the top of Mt. Everest, and everywhere else in between! And through all the hard times and the sweet times God has taught me SO much and molded me more and more into the person I know He wants me to be. Let me try to summarize the year a little:

So I suppose I'll start with the beginning of the school year...I moved into Hughes Hall, room 216 more ready than EVER to be back at school with all of my best friends from here living just down the hall from me. I had a blast working at camp all summer and loved spending my days with the precious kids, but it was harder than I had expected and I couldn't wait to be back in my daily routine at school, surrounded by my "Russellville family". I returned on a "Jesus high" from daily morning devos and nightime worship services. For a while that high kept me pursuing Him and on fire for spreading the name of Jesus across this campus. But it didn't take long before I was distracted by my own selfish desires and agendas--nothing necessarily bad, just centered around ME.

October came with a lot of "firsts". I hadn't really celebrated Halloween since I was little. I usually just go to church and help with the "Reformation Celebration" just because that was the thing to do in our youth group, but I honestly could have cared less about Halloween. Well, that's most definitely not the case at the Mouser house! :) We started out the "scares" with a haunted house in Little Rock--my first time ever. I was PETRIFIED standing in line for an hour before we got in. And I may or may not have ever let go of Rachel's shirt and it's possible that my face was burried in her shoulder for three-fourths of the journey through it. Haha. Butttt....it was a fun experience and once we got out I decided that "it wasn't all that bad" and I actually had a lot of fun! Halloween in Harrison means LOTS of decorations, candy, cooking (witches fingers, ghost cookies, kitty litter cake...just to name a few!), a party with close friends from church and the community, a cosutume contest, and sitting out on the porch fully dressed in scary costumes ready to give candy to the trick-or-treaters. We spent most of Friday night and Saturday dumpster diving, collecting supplies, designing, and creating our costume--tetris pieces. Saturday night was the party at the Mouser house and then off to another haunted house (a little more fun and not so scary the second time around!). And Sunday was sitting on the porch passing out candy. I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to doing it all over again this year! :)

Thanksgiving was different than normal...Usually Mema and Grandpa come to our house, but this year it was just Mema. Grandpa passed away on October 15th. I guess you could say it was somewhat expected because his body had been infected with cancer for a long time. But a death, no matter how expected or unexpected, is never easy. It took me two weeks before I fully came to grips with the fact that he was gone. And then the emotions came over me all over again the week of Thanksgiving. It was the little things that I wasn't prepared for, like looking over from the kitchen and seeing Dad and Mema sitting on the couch tearing the bread for the dressing. That was always Grandpa's job...he would sit at the table and work on it dilligently until it was finished. So that was hard, but good to be home with my family and spend that time with Mema. It's hard times like that, that bring you closer to people and strengthen your love for them.

Christmas break rolled around and, as usual, I was dreading it a little bit. Of course, I love the Christmas season and time with my family and friends from home, but a month away from my "home" and friends here always seems so long! It was a strange break for me as I realized how much I had changed over the semester. I went home drained and overall just really discouraged. I was confused about what was wrong and why the semester had been so hard for me. The days before Christmas were hard...I was just annoyed and frustrated feeling like I didn't have a "place" in Little Rock anymore. My friendships from home weren't the same, I wasn't the same, and even my relationships with my family members weren't the same. After Christmas I was blessed to talk over lunch with my precious best friend and mentor, Krista Spoon, and then to get coffee with my parents. Both of those times were very eye-opening to me and I realized that I had lost myself trying to fit a mold and be someone I wasn't. Not really anything big, just stupid stuff. I spent some time in prayer and just thinking over things and was so relieved to just give my life back over to Jesus and re-prioritize my time and what really meant the most to me in life.

I got to spend New Years Eve in Harrison and at the river house with Kiwi, Jilliann, Rach, Tordawg, and Callie (who had decided by then that she was transferring from Bryan to Tech!!). Originally, I was supposed to be in India on a mission trip over New Years, but God had other plans for that trip and all of us planning to go on it. After a few days in Harrison I went back home for a few days of packing up and then back to school.....FINALLY! (I really do love school, Russellville, my church, and my friends here if you can't tell!)

Classes this semester were a little easier for me. Not easy...but easier, which I have been very thankful for! :) I feel like the first two months were spent counting down the days to spring break a little bit. haha. We didn't know what we were going to do but the five of us girls knew we all wanted to go somewhere together! We decided less than two weeks before the break that we were going to take a little road trip to Destin, FL. Four days on the beach and two in the car with four of my best friends made for wonderful break from the cold and dreary Arkansas weather. We made it back safe and sound with lots of funny memories and good times that I will never forget.

After a week back at school we headed out the very next Friday to Ft. Worth, TX for the Passion Conference. It was a 3 day conference for 18-25 year olds. John Piper, Louie Giglio, and Francis Chan were the speakers and worship was led by Chris Tomlin, Christy Nockles, David Crowder Band, Charlie Hall, and there was a surprise appearance by Lecrae (which I may or may not have freaked out about....to say the least! haha). God turned my world upside down in these three days!! He showed me things in my life that I needed to change that I didn't even realize about myself. I got to experience worship with 10,000 other Christ followers my age, with hands raised toward the heavens, singing to our Savior and welcoming Him to "rain down on us". I was blessed to be able to grow closer to five of my very best friends in a way that we had never grown before because it was through our love for Christ and our desire to follow Him and be used by Him to make more Christ followers.

We came back to school with a passion and a fire for spreading the great news and wanting everyone we know to "get it" as Louie Giglio kept putting it--not just knowing the truth but getting the truth and living it out! The Lord gave us the idea of starting a prayer movement at school, so the night we got back we started spreading the word that we were going to meet on the third floor balcony of the school library at 11:11 p.m. to pray for our campus. The first week we ranged from 8-18 students holding hands and lifting our voices out loud all at once to our Savior begging for lives to be changed and for Him to use us and move through us. We continued it through the rest of the semester (weather permitting), and although it has moved to the sidewalk behind the library and we have fewer people, it has been a consistant few and a sweet time to stop, come together, and end our busy days with a time to re-focus our hearts on our most important mission at school!

I ended my semester with a trip to Harrison this past week for five days of just chillin' and hanging out with the girls.....except Tori who didn't end up getting to come. :-( We spent time at the river swimming, fishing, and catching crawdads; hiked; stayed up late watching movies; slept in till we couldn't sleep anymore; made dinner together; had an evening of "name that hymn" with Rachel's mom on the piano with the electricity out; and even made it to an awards ceremony for Zac (Rachel's brother)! Overall, it was a fun week and I was thankful for the sweet time with friends before summer started and we got busy with working. The year was a good one. There were ups and downs, as usual, and I'm thankful for all of them and what I learned through it all. :)

Constant Dripping

This morning as I woke up to yet another day of rain, I was thinking about it and God brought to my mind Proverbs 27:15. It says, "A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike." I looked up the word contentious in the dictionary and it says, "likely to cause disagreement or argument". My John MacArthur Study Bible has a note about this verse and also Proverbs 19:13 (which talks about the same thing) which says, "An obstinate, argumentative woman is literally like a leak so unrelenting that one has to run from it or go mad.

These past few weeks have been filled with more than enough rain to make me understand the concept on "a constant dripping"! We've had a constant dripping for weeks! There have been a few days of sunshine every now and then but for the most part it's been a continual, steady rain. You can't get away from it and like my study Bible was talking about, there have been some days when I thought I was going to go mad! It just gets old and it's always there. I try to go outside and walk to class or church or whatever my plans are for the day and the rain is there to get in the way. It's a hassle and it's annoying.

So think about that this morning as you're walking to class in the rain or driving to work or whatever the Lord has you doing on this rainy day. What kind of woman (or man) are you? Are you always picking an argument? Do you regularly cause disagreement? Ultimately are your thoughts consumed with you and your life and what's best for you? Or are you seeking the desires and intrests of others first? Are you "a constant dripping"?

Losing Myself

Do you ever think back on your life and how you used to dress, what you used to love, your favorite music, favorite movies, favorite things to do? This week I've been thinking a lot about just how I used to be, how I've changed, and who I am now. I used to love to listen to Josh Groban, Charlotte Church, soundtracks from musicals like Wicked and Phantom of the Opera. My favorite movies were Beauty and the Beast, Peter Pan, Pirates of the Carribean, and Pride and Prejudice. I watched these on a weekly or monthly basis at the very least! I might have been a teenager, but I was DETERMINED that I would never grow up! haha. I loved "love", musicals, "happily ever after", and the thought of being a princess and finding my perfect prince someday. I obviously knew that life wasn't "perfect" in that sense, but I was perfectly ok with watching sappy love stories and for that hour and a half I put myself in the movie and I was actually Belle or Wendy or Elizabeth Swann or Elizabeth Bennett.

I grew up playing make believe. It was my favorite thing in the world to do and I could entertain myself for hours doing it! I don't even know if my mom ever realized how much I did it. (Or maybe she was watching me through my cracked bedroom door all along! haha.) But I really did. I would go into my bedroom, shut the door, and make up some new life for myself and sometimes my "life" would go on for weeks every afternoon in my bedroom! I used to be so creative and imaginative. I miss that.

Now, as much as I never wanted to I feel like I've actually started to grow up...it's like when Wendy grows up in the sequel to Peter Pan and forgets how to be a kid until her daughter Jane goes to Neverland and meets Peter Pan. Haha. It's ok if you want to laugh at me referring to Peter Pan in a blog as a 20 year old! lol. I love my life now, but sometimes I just have these days when I remember all those fun memories of being a kid when life was carefree and I could fade away in to a pretend world where life was exactly what I wanted it to be. I miss being able to just let my thoughts and fantasies travel where they wanted to go and carry me off with them. It sounds ridiculous, but it's a big part of who I was!!

I used to love to paint too. I loved to turn instrumental music on from my favorite sountracks and close my eyes and think about the movie and the paint what came to mind. It was so much fun to me to put my thoughts and creativity on paper. It didn't always come out how it was in my mind exactly buttttt it was fun anyway! haha .

I don't really know what got me thinking about all of this or where it came from. I guess I just was looking through my ipod and thinking of all the stuff I never listen to anymore just cuz a lot of it is stuff that most of my friends here wouldn't love or have fun with the way I do. And as I was thinking back on all of this I just felt overwhelmed by this huge part of me that I feel like I've lost! All of this stuff such a big part of me and who I am....or was. I have this little part inside of me that is just so creative and I haven't let it stir in so long! I've quit painting and playing the piano and writing poems. I guess when I didn't have time for everything anymore that's what I let go of. And it's kinda just scared me a little maybe? I just had a small panic attack that I had lost "Katie"....if that makes any sense.

It's just one part of me though and I have become more open minded to so many new things as well. I've learned to love so much that I just never knew about or was too afraid to try or experience (like turkey hunting! haha). I've embraced meeting new people and making new friends. I've streteched myself since I came to school and I'm VERY thankful to God for growing me in that way.

It's funny because those things aren't really the things that should define me as a believer, but in a way I've let them define me. No matter what earthly and temporary things I love Jesus stays the same ALWAYS! And as long as He is my focus I should never be able to "lose myself". No matter what movies or music I love, no matter what activites I love to do, no matter how I "let my creative juices flow" my Savior and my purpose in life never changes! EVER!! How cool is that??! People around me will change. What I love will change. I will change. Where I live will change. How I dress will change. But GOD NEVER CHANGES!! And ultimately, if my life is rooted in Him, then in a way, I can't change either.

I realize that this post is random and all over the place. Honestly, it's kinda just me thinking outloud...but I feel better finally putting all my thoughts into words and in one place altogether. :) So...I'm sorry for being all over the place this afternoon, butttttt that's just how I am sometimes! :)