"But if, while seeking to be justified in Christ, we ourselves have also been found sinners, is Christ then a minister of sin? May it never be! For if I rebuild what I have once destroyed, I prove myself to be a transgressor. For through the Law I died to the Law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly."
--Galatians 2:17-21
As I've been thinking about my character and who I am and who I've become I've really been evaluating if I am viewed by people the way that I really want to be viewed. If I died tomorrow what would be said about me at my funeral? Would people have to struggle to come up with good things to say about me? Or worse...would they have to lie about good things to say about me because there aren't really any truthfully good things to say?
If I die tomorrow I want people to say "She was selfless. She was a good friend. She treated others how she wanted to be treated. She didn't gossip. She didn't spread rumors or even truths about others. She loved everyone and really loved them without faking it. She was kind. She was compassionate. She was crazy about her Savior! She talked about Him with a passion and a fire that was contagious. She didn't only talk about her Savior and His great love though. She did something about it. She was a servant. She had the heart of a servant and it showed through her actions. She put others first and was always looking out for the needs of others. She loved graciously. She made a difference. She worked hard. She worked diligently. She pursued a relationship with Christ and pressed hard toward the goal of living for Him. She was genuine. She was real with everyone she crossed paths with. She was a godly woman."
I don't believe that if I die tomorrow those things will be said about me. And if they are...someone's lying!! Because all of those things most definitely aren't true of me! But I want them to be!! And I'm praying for help that God will show me how to make them true and then give me His strength to do it.
Tonight, I watched last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy. I LOVE medical shows and I'm completely fascinated by surgeries. On this episode two of the surgeons preformed a heart surgery on a guy who had been shot through the heart with a bullet. It was brutal and at first it didn't look like he was going to make it. A bullet through the heart is obviously life threatening and often fatal. But when a good surgeon works on the heart the that person's fate can change.
I feel like I've been shot through the heart with a bullet--a bullet of sin. I know I was born with it, but recently I've struggled with it more than before. The Lord showed me my desperate need for a physician and I want the ultimate Surgeon to preform a heart surgery on my sinful, wicked heart! And I believe He's already started. He's at least taken the scalpel and made the first slice. And that's the first step to a long process of detailed and precise movements and changes and a slow but steady road to recovery. It may start out slow and it may take a long time, but I want this heart of mine to change. I want to be the person God has called me to be. And I want people to not see me, but see Christ shining through me.
I'm ready for surgery.
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